Tag Archives: Linda M. Ballard

No Shame In Their Game On ST. Patrick’s Day

by Linda Ballard

Scene: Tyrone Tourette, known as TS (cousin of Bobby Tourette), is having drinks and conversing at an Iris Pub called Slimery Otoole. Tyrone Tourette and Catrina Schizophrenia give some background information on themselves. Nicky NLD is waiting for the story to be told on how St.Patrick’s Day got started.  Tyrone Tourettes, before he gets too much green beer in his system, will tell the story. Nicky NLD is running out of patience.

Tyrone Tourette:

Nicky,  look at how crowded Slimery Otoole is tonight. It’s jammed packed. Tyrone is going to take you on his TS tour. I’ll Take You There just like the Staple Singers and tell you how St. Patrick’s Day came into existence.

Nicky NLD:

Tyrone are you sure you don’t want me to tell the story?

Tyrone Tourette:

Why should you tell the story?

Nicky NLD:

Once your tics kick in, it could get messy.

Catrina Schizophrenia:

What are Tics?

Tyrone Tourette:

Catrina Schizo, I have this neurological disorder where people describe me as having strange body movement over and over.  Some people have this image in their head of me having involuntary movement and making noises called tics. I don’t like to be stereotyped.

Catrina Schizo:

I feel you on that one Tyrone. I have this severe brain disorder that disables me from being able to carry out my life. People try to stereotype me and say that I hear voices others don’t hear. They say I believe other people are reading my mind, controlling my thoughts, and I’m plotting to harm someone.

Tyrone Tourette:

Catrina Schizo that IS what you do.

Catrina Schizo:

Wait a minute Tyrone… The key word is I MAY do these things… MAY, okay?

Tyrone Tourette:

Let me get your key and unlock your door. You are talking to Tyrone baby, I know what you do.

Nicky NLD;

Come on TS,  ease up off of Catrina  Schizo. This is a big deal for her. Remember we use to force her to talk. We knew when she didn’t take her medication and wasn’t in therapy.  I did not like seeing her in a catatonic state. She shut down as tight as a drum and was upset about it. I mean agitated.

Tyrone Tourette:

Look at you Nicky NLD, using analogies. I remember when you didn’t do double meanings.

Nicky NLD:

I have gotten better. As long as the person who uses the analogy explains it right away.  I won’t get lost in the conversation. Are you going to tell the story or not?

Tyrone Tourette:

Be patient Nicky NLD. I want people to know some things about me and Catrina Schizo. There is no shame in our game.

Nicky NLD:

You are right. People learned about me in the Who In The World Is NLD. Go ahead, man. Do your thang.

Tyrone Tourette:

Tourette’s syndrome (TS) is noticed around 7-10 years of age. It shows no prejudice. Tourette’s syndrome can affect anyone. Men are affected three times more than women. It can last a lifetime. In one’s teens, it can get butt-ugly. Later on, they may improve in the late teens on into their adulthood.

Catrina Schizo:

I want to learn more about your motor tics.

Tyrone Tourette:

Sure, sometimes they are simple motor tics. These are brief and I don’t use a lot of muscles. I can have eye blinking, making faces (grimaces),  jerking the head or shoulders or shrugging shoulders. With vocalizing tics I will clear my throat repetitively, sniffing, making grunting sounds, or barking. I use more muscle with complex tics. You can get the combo like at McDonald. I can make faces, twist my head and shrug my shoulders. There are times when people think that I’m doing the other complex tics on purpose. These are hopping, jumping, bending, sniffing, twisting, and touching objects. There are times when I have phrases of words that sound like jibber-jabber. It can get really bad if I do harm to myself and I punch myself in the face, or the cursing (coprolalia) or echolalia (repeating word or phrases of others).  Who do you know that does that hopping around thing?  Don’t answer that. That is another story another day.

Catrina Schizo:

I bet people think you are crazy.

Tyrone Tourette:

How are you going to call somebody crazy?  Are you sure this is me you are talking to and not someone you think you see or hear?

Catrina Schizo:

Do you really want to find out if I’m violent are not? You know, I have grown pretty fond of you. Sometimes we have the tendency to hurt the ones we are closest to.

Tyrone Tourette:

Girl, don’t make me unfriend you and push the button. I do have a Facebook account and I will Tweet you out.

Nicky NLD:

Is your collar on that shirt too tight around your neck? I hope your shirt is the right size. The last time you had neck tics.

Tyrone Tourette:

It’s all good. The last time I had tried to suppress my tics,  it only made them worse. I do better when my tics are expressed. Letting it build up is not good for me at all. A lot of times people think I’m doing this on purpose. I don’t know what causes Tourettes Syndrome. Let’s put it this way, I have unintentional behaviors that I don’t plan. It happens and my brains play a big part in the way I react. These neuro-behavioral problems can be caused by not paying attention, hyperactivity, and being impulsive. The guys (disorders) that hang out with me and are associated with me is OCD and ADHD. Even though my buddies know I can suffer from depression and anxiety they still remain to be my friends.

Hey, Catrina Schizophrenia you are up to bat. Tell us about yourself.

Catrina Schizo:

I have some positive symptoms about me.

Nicky NLD:

Is that positive good or positive bad?

Tyrone Tourette:

How can a positive symptom be bad?

Nicky NLD:

Tyrone TS, you are full of your ignorant oil (liquor). You can be HIV Positive, that is not good, and you could be like Catrina Schizophrenia, very delusional and not being able to face reality.

Catrina Schizo:

If you guys let me finish, I’ll tell you the rest.

Tyrone Tourette:

Ahhhhh Yeah Baby, Take us there (too much to drink).

Catrina Schizo:

As long as I take my meds, I’ll do okay. I do have psychotic behavior. Sometimes I lose touch with reality. This can come or go. Right now I’m not the healthiest person.Yes, I do hallucinate. I just really need to keep up with my treatment.

Tyrone Tourette:

I’m hallucinating right now.

Nicky NLD:

Tyrone you have enough green beer and Irish cream Whiskey in you already. I can’t tell you from Catrina Schizo.

Catrina Schizo:

It’s not like that Tyrone. I hear voices. My voices talk to me about the way I’m behaving. My voices order me to do things, alert me to dangers, and my voices can talk to each other.I had been hearing voices for a very long time before my family found out.  Bruce Willis could see people in the movie Sixth Sense. I see people too. I can feel people touching me. I can smell odors that others can”t smell. People try to tell me it’s nothing there but I know for a fact I see objects.

Tyrone Tourette:

You got some skills. Did you take your meds before you came out? You still go to treatment?

Nicky NLD:

Let her finish.

Tyrone Tourette:

Just checking Baby, this is the TS.  I did not want my tics to come out and play.

Catrina Schizo:

I am delusional. Many times people have proven me wrong and showed me what I am believing isn’t true. My delusions can get pretty bizarre. One time I thought Rachel Maddow was broadcasting my thoughts on her  TV program. Chaka Khan was out impersonating me. My boyfriend, Kanye West was mad because my album came out before his. He started cheating on me, then he tried to poison me. I reported him to the police for harassment. He had been spying on me for months.

Tyrone Tourette:

Your mind works like that for real?  Girl, I will trade you my disorder. I hope Jennifer Hudson got over me. I know she got married but she still wants me. Right.

Catrina Schizo:

These are things I believe. It is called delusions of persecution.

Tyrone Tourette:

Wooooh, I think you sobered me up. I have got to keep my eyes on you.

Catrina Schizo:

Sometimes it’s hard organizing my thoughts to make logical sense. I talk nonsensical and in garble. It is hard to understand me. I have thought to block. When I am talking to a person it feels like someone kidnapped my thoughts. You know what, I can even make up meaningless words called neologisms.

Nicky NLD:

I know someone who acts this way.

Tyrone Tourette:

Who?

Nicky NLD:

My girlfriend.

Tyrone Tourette:

Oh Man, you sure you don’t want to crash at my house until you have a talk with your girlfriend?

Nicky NLD:

Thanks for the offer but I can’t prolong what I suspected all the time.

Tyrone Tourette:

The offer stands whenever you are ready.

Catrina Schizo:

I’m not finished. I have body movement that I do over and over when I get agitated but not like yours Tyrone Tourette. Back in the day when there was little treatment, I would be in that catatonic state not responding to others. My main course meal is I hear voices. The negative symptoms are tricky and hard to identify. People mistake them for depressions or other symptoms. It disrupts ones normal emotion and behaviors. You notice how Meridia’s face doesn’t move (flat affect) and her voice is dull. It always seems to be monotone. No matter how hard she tries she never sticks to her planned activities. You have to stick a crowbar in her mouth to force her to speak.  She needs help with everyday tasks and I would constantly get on her about her hygiene. She was a hot mess. I thought she was lazy and trifling but this was all because she is schizophrenic. Nicky NLD you remember Rita?

Nicky NLD:

Yeah, I had a crush on Rosy Cheeks Rita. What happens to her?

Catrina Schizo:

She had some psychological testing. Her working memory wasn’t working. She didn’t have the ability to use information immediately after she learned it. Rita never stayed in focus or paid attention. Rita had problems with understanding the information to make a decision. This is called poor executive functioning. Cognitive symptoms are hard to find unless they are tested for.  These symptoms are understated. It was hard for her to keep a job, lead her life, and she was emotionally stressed out.

Nicky NLD;

That is a lot of information on my homegirl. Hey, can we get to the story now?

Tyrone Tourette:

Yeah, this is the new and improved Clarence Update.  St. Patrick’s Day is celebrated on March the 17. This is the day that St.Patrick died. We associate this day with the color green,  leprechauns, fairies, shamrocks, snakes, corn beef and cabbage, Irish music, green beer and Irish Creme Whiskey, and of course the St. Patrick’s Day Parade.

The Shamrock was a sacred plant that represented the rebirth of spring. The Celts called it a “seamroy”. The shamrock later represented the Irish breaking out and expressing themselves and taking pride in their culture and advocating for rights to be who they are. The English began to take over the Irish land and they didn’t want the Irish to speak their language nor practice their religion, which was Catholicism. The Irish said, “screw this we are wearing our shamrock and since we like the music we are going to sing it to the tune of Kool Moe Dee, How You Like Me Now”.  This pissed Queen Lizzy No.1 off.  Every artist and piper that was Irish got the ax. Nicky NLD you really are going to like this.

The Celts expressed themselves verbally. Since the APA(American Psychiatric Association) won’t open up a community for you this would have been the perfect place.  They rocked the house with their verbal expression of storytelling, singing, and dancing. Their oral culture of religion, history, and their folklore was passed down through the ages.

They got a little depressed but they never stopped singing “I’m Coming Out” by Diana Ross. Since they never gave up, today they’ve got popular bands like the Chieftains, Clancy Brothers, and Tommy Makem. You just keep singing that tune “Hold on I’m Coming” by Sam and Dave.

That story about the snakes was made up. St Patrick didn’t go up on a rock and banish thousands of snakes.  He took his behind up there. He drove his Orkin’s truck and pulled out his Real Kill snake spray gun. The snakes were a metaphor to get rid of the idea of worshiping all those crazy statutes the English worshiped.  Their traditional meal was always cabbage and corn beef.  Corn beef didn’t show up until the turn of the century.  The corned beef got pricy. So the Irish immigrants, now living in New York City on the lower east side, found a way to save money by bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan. They got the hook up from their Jewish neighbors and all went well.  Then you had shorty running around. These were the leprechauns known as “”.

Little dudes with tree stump bodies.  They were so paranoid about their pot of gold. They used voodoo, hoodoo, and doo doo to protect their funds.  The Leprechauns didn’t have anything to do with St. Patrick’s day. Do you see how lies get started?  In 1959 Walt Disney got creative and threw the leprechauns in the mix.  In 1962 Chicago River has become famous for being dyed green on St. Patrick’s Day.  The Irish grew in numbers and became the Green Machine and gain Respect just like Aretha Franklin’s song. They are no longer considered the Drunken Monkeys.

Catrina Schizo:

Can you get me a date with one of those little guys?

Nicky NLD:

See what you did, Tyrone Tourette. You know Catrina Schizo doesn’t need any more false reality in her head.

WARNING: To all those who read this story…  if there is anything in this story that sounds like you,  a friend or a family member, get to a doctor immediately. We don’t want any Shame In Your  Game.

Getting Zach on the Right Track

by Linda Ballard

Scene:  Sparky SPD (representing sensory processing disorder) and Nicky NLD (representing nonverbal learning disability) visit OWN Studio to help a friend get on the DSM5.  Zach is having extreme behavioral problems. Sparky SPD and Nicky NLD came to visit Oprah to see how they can help an old friend out. The conversation takes place in the green room and Oprah has stepped out for a studio break.

Nicky NLD:

Sparky sit down.  Stop touching everything. You are going to get us thrown out of the studio. I knew when I came here with you it was a bad idea. What did you have to eat?  You are all jacked up. Did you eat anything with sugar in it?  Put that down. You are on sensory overload.  Don’t make me call 1-800-Jesus Christ on you.

Sparky SPD:

Chill Nicky, Oprah won’t mind if we help ourselves and take a few souvenirs.

Nicky NLD:

Oprah has a deadline to meet and we are here to help get sensory processing disorder on the list.

Sparky SPD:

You are not on the list either.  As I recall you are not on the American Psychiatric Association (APA) list nor the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) list.  Are you on the Center for Disease Control for prevention list?

Nicky NLD:

No, I am not on any of those lists. Isolation is terrible and no recognition is even worse.  There is no validation and this could hang us out to dry. The APA is trying to throw Aspergers off the list and merge it with PDD-NOS. You know that diagnosis is just not enough of anything to rate being on the list.  If Aspergers vanishes we will not make the DSM5.

Sparky SPD:

Are you serious?

Nicky NLD:

I’m way more serious than Sally Savant “splinter skills”.

Sparky SPD:

What are splinter skills?

Nicky NLD:

Splinter skills are very unique skills that a person has that are totally unrelated to their life but they do them exceptionally well. Savants are noted for these skills. There are so many skills that savants can’t achieve but they should always be recognized and respected for what they can do. No one should ever take any credit away from a person who can achieve the smallest tasks. It messes with a persons self-esteem and self-confidence. For many years, not making the list has done the same to me. I am treated totally different from state agencies, insurance companies, schools and their districts.

Sparky NLD:

Nicky, I was reading your tweets and I did not know we had all that in common.

Nicky NLD:

I spelled it out. As long as people point it out or spell it out for me I don’t get so frustrated.  It was about 30 tweets. I gave brief definitions of some of the disorders. I did not want to cause confusion because a few of the disorders get mixed up. Sparky we share and have difficulty in the following areas: hypersensitivity, apraxia, dysgraphia, fine motor, severe coordination, hypotonia, developmental delays, developing friendships and relationships (social domain), self-esteem, self-confidence, speech and language development, dyspraxia and our nervous system is wrecked.

Sparky SPD:

Are you sure we don’t have the same Dad? We’ve got so much in common. You know I always liked the song Papa Was A Rolling Stone by the Temptations.

Nicky NLD:

Okay Sparky, shorty by nature, don’t make me mad. People don’t realize that when I get angry it could be for something that happened 2 or 3 days ago. It could be something that happened for 3 or 4 years ago or even longer. The doctors call it a manifestation of one’s behavior. I call it being pissed off for a very long time.

Sparky SPD:

What strategy do you use to keep from going ballistic?

Nicky NLD:

You need to go process with a person that you can trust – like a doctor or a therapist.

Sparky SPD:

I can get pretty angry.

Nicky NLD:

That is the best time to go to your doctor.  They can help level you out by talking it out. If you don’t want to talk you can look at the ceiling. If it is your doctor or therapist you are going to pay them regardless.  You might as well talk.

Sparky SPD:

I need a safe area like you. I use to think that your mom was a decorator. When you told me she put those rooms together to calm you down that was really cool.  I love the fountains, candles and the easy colors she chose to make it like a spa. Why did your mom take the doors off the rooms?

Nicky NLD:

I cannot tell where my body space is.  Removing the doors just kept me from bumping into them. The look on your face was priceless when I told you we were in the closet. You thought it was a music room. You asked me where do I keep my clothes. I told you that we were sitting on them. You didn’t have a clue the benches were storage chest. You know I have trouble with hanging my clothes on clothes hangers. I don’t need to get frustrated.  My family always figures out a way to help me work around something that gives me difficulty. They remind me it is no big deal. They teach me alternative methods by verbalizing and pointing out what it is I need to do. As I practice the skill more I learn it and I’m ready to move on. If you tell me to go clean the room. I need to know exactly where you need me to start. They will leave notes on the computer or a sticky note on top of the computer for me to find my information. It takes a lot of work but my family wants me to be successful without the pressure. They continue to teach because I learn by a step by step method. It is habilitation, not rehabilitation.

Sparky SPD:

Man, your mama acts like she is McGuyver or Inspector Gadget. You know our house is so cluttered and it looks like something out of Rag Magazine. You know my mom doesn’t do well with changes.

Nicky NLD:

Sparky, your mom may need to change to keep your behaviors from triggering. The clutter and having no order in your life could be part of the problem. I’m not trying to place the blame on your mom or your dad. If they don’t know when it is time for them to learn. They have so much hurt, guilt,  fear, and feelings of hopelessness. All this can be changed with empowering themselves with education and learning about sensory processing disorder.

Sparky SPD:

How does your mom manage her feelings?  My parents just seem so beat down by my behavior.

Nicky NLD:

My mom and the rest of my family educate themselves on the material. She said if it is nothing up to date, She would take action, bring the information up to date and create a new format for people to learn. She and the rest of my family understand that I have a neurological disorder with unintentional behaviors. A characteristic of NLD is anosognosia.

Due to the nature of my disability, I do not have the ability to recognize the seriousness of my own problem. So I would see my peers like I view myself, not having a problem. Bottom line Sparky, I can’t put myself in other’s shoes to show compassion, empathy, and support. Don’t be frightened, I have come a very long way. Emotions are hard to teach.

Sparky SPD:

Man, that is deep. So what did your mom do?  I feel like this is a seminar.

Nicky NLD:

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She said every adversity does not have to have an adverse effect. I have a difficult time understanding fear. She said this was a good opportunity to teach fear and other emotions. She stated that people don’t like breaking themselves down to the lowest denominator. It makes them appear weak. She said she wanted the world to know how much they are taking for granted. Their adversity would give them a greater strength  She felt if you could write, spell and read… then do it.  She expressed her fears and pointed out fears of others. I did learn a lot. I still have a long way to go.

Sparky SPD:

It is time for me to make some serious changes and start surrounding myself, with positive people, and those who have my best interest at heart. I have got a lot to learn. If you don’t mind Nicky, do you take medicine?

Nicky NLD:

No, I have several coping skills and strategies that are taught by my family members to reduce the panic, anxiety, depression, and stress. Whenever I decide to go out to dinner or a movie, I go at a time when it is not crowded. I go to a place where there is less noise. I enjoy music. Maybe Zach can read the book Musiophilia by Oliver Sacks.  One of the neuropsychologists gave it to me. It is an excellent book. I tried not to overload myself on social events. I get tired and I rest in a room with white noise and low amber lighting.  Social events I attend there are 3 being the minimum and 5 being the maximum people around.  They are very knowledgeable of my unique abilities. I use scented candles for relaxation (mild scented). When I walk, I take a backpack loaded with books for deep pressure. I have a fanny pack with mints, a stress ball, and clay. If  I get anxious, I return to my safe area. If someone is angry with me it is explained to me that the person may not be ready to talk. I have the same option as that person. I am never placed in competitive sports.

Sparky SPD:

Nicky that is a lot. Will we ever grow out of this?

Nicky NLD:

We don’t grow out of this. We grow up with this. We just have to work harder.

Sparky SPD:

I like that Bose Bluetooth you are wearing. What kind of phone do you have? I got that new droid.

Nicky NLD:

I don’t have a phone.

Sparky SPD:

What!

Nicky NLD:

One day  I was at the mall with my brother and he started complaining about everyone on their cell phone talking to other people.  He was so agitated and began to point out people who had Bluetooth attachments.  I looked at him and asked if he knew if anyone was on the other end talking. You know I process out loud and this attachment would keep me in sync. He took me out to the Bose store and purchased it for me.  I wear it all the time. Everyone looks like me but there is no one on the other end of my Bluetooth.

Sparky SPD:

You are going to have the whole world with phone gear and attachments paranoid.

Nicky NLD:

I wonder how many people are laying down their phone gear and looking at others with phones crazy?

Sparky SPD:

You need to cut that out.  Where did Oprah go?

Nicky NLD:

It’s getting late.

Sparky SPD:

Should we leave her a note or that sweater you have chewed at the sleeve? Why you do that?

Nicky NLD:

Sometimes adults with developmental delays have a tendency to eat non-food items. This is called pica. It is mostly seen in children ages 1-6 and mentally challenged persons.

Sparky SPD:

Alrightee! Let’s leave a message for Zach and his family.

Nicky NLD:

We need to let you know that you are not alone. To his mom and dad hang in there and be strong. It would devastate me if my family gave up on me.

Sparky SPD:

You are right Nicky. I don’t always see eye to eye with my parents. I wouldn’t want to be isolated or rejected by them.

Nicky NLD:

A good book to read with your parents is The Explosive Child by Ross W.Greene Ph.D.: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Child. It would be good for you to have an oral motor grocery list. When you become anxious/nervous you will have things to munch and crunch on and non-food items for your body.  Learn about your sensory system which consists of Tactile System (skin,touch), Proprioceptive System (muscles,joints and tendons), Vestibular System (inner ear,balance up/down and left/right), Gustatory System and Oral Motor Input (mouth and tongue),Visual System(eyes) and Olfactory System (nose,smell). Learn what calms your sensory system and what alerts it.

Sparky SPD and Nicky NLD:

We wish you all the luck in the world. We hope this helps.  To the parents of Zach, hang in and don’t give up. You need each other.

Zach quality time with mom and dad reading, listening to music, singing and playing games will help. You need a safe environment with trusted adults and grand guardians. Thirty-two hugs a day might help and you could use a good teacher or a mentor. A national cheerleader could boost your self-esteem. Lots of love and a stable home will shoot you to the moon.

We are rooting for you.

The Who Not The View Featuring Darlene Dyslexia

by Linda Ballard

Scene:  A TV station, lights blazing and an actual live studio audience is roaring…

Mavis:

Welcome to “The Who, Not The View”  and our first guest, Darlene Dyslexia

Darlene Dyslexia:

It’s so good to be here Mavis. Love the earrings and shoes.

Mavis:

Can you tell our viewers today what new project you’ve taken on?

Darlene Dyslexia:

First I want to say something about my dear friend and longtime business partner Norvella NLD. She was unable to make it to the show today. We both have taken on the APA (American Psychiatric Association).  My girlfriend always includes her friends in her life and it’s about time that we start including her.  We are going to get Norvella NLD on the list.  Tell Anita Asperger not to worry.  When the DSM5 rolls around in May 2013 we are going to make sure that Aspergers hold their place.  Norvella NLD will have a place for the first time in our history.  Tell Wrong Planet.com to come down to earth and visit with us. We love them and we totally understand how they feel.

Mavis:

Do you mind if I call you DeDe?

Darlene Dyslexia:

Sure, I have been called lots of things in my lifetime.  I will be fine as long as people don’t get me confused with DeDe of Dextor Laboratory or Dare Devil of Marvel Comics.

Mavis:

I’m sure they won’t make that mistake. (sarcastic)

DeDe:

It’s really good seeing you after all these years.  Mad Mavis Behavior, you have really come a long way since back in the day. I just have to tell the viewers, girlfriend here wasn’t always the sweet  M&M milk chocolate.  Whoooo,  I’m proud of you.  You were a bitter b……… back in the day.

Mavis:

Hey! Hey!  This is a family show.  I’m here to talk about you.  Tell our viewers something about you (getting frustrated.)

DeDe:

Okay, don’t get your boxer shorts in a bunch.

Mavis:

Just answer the question. (steamed)

DeDe:

Now dyslexia is a learning disability that damages a person’s ability to read.  It will rise up and show its ugly head. People will notice that someone with dyslexia will have problems with speaking and spelling. When someone with dyslexia hears the sound of the words it is very hard for them to interpret and spell the word.

Mavis:

Who is the lowest man on the totem pole in your thought processing?

DeDe:

Well, Mavis, it would be what I hear, see, and notice.

Mavis:

Is your IQ connected to dyslexia?

DeDe:

I’m glad you asked.  No.   With me and others that have dyslexia,  reading and our thought process develop separately.  Norvella NLD shows strengths and weaknesses in her IQ.  My  IQ is normal but the reading kills me and this is where  Norvella NLD  kicks my tail and excels.  We are really just the opposite of each other. I have a left hemisphere disability.  Norvella NLD has a right hemisphere disability. We get along so well.  They say opposites attract.  She has a developmental disability that is neurological. My disability is not-neurological that is connected to the brain caused by factors in the brain that affect my ability to read, write and spell.

Mavis:

Is dyslexia genetic?

DeDe:

In some families, it can be inherited. Recently they have identified genes that show the person can develop dyslexia.  The Ronnie Booze family got it.  Girl, his family has got a whole lot going on.

Mavis:

Do you know if  Norvella NLD syndrome is inherited?

DeDe:

The last time I heard there wasn’t anything genetic linked to NLD.

Mavis:

Did they ever decide on a definition for you?

DeDe:

Girlfriend, I’m all over the place and it is hard to pin me down.  Maybe I can come back and do a show on all those hypothesis and theories about dyslexia and me.

Mavis:

DeDe let’s try to get through this show. So is that a yes or no on the definition of your name (frustrated)?

DeDe:

That would be no.  All of these associations have not reached a consensus on the true meaning of dyslexia. Don’t you think that suits me well?

Mavis:

I think it fits you perfect (irritated).  How did you do in pre-school?

DeDe:

Well, I have speech delays.  It takes me forever to learn new words.  Nursery rhymes I just dread.  They are so hard for me.  Sometimes my letters reverse on me.  Remember in the movie when Keifer Sutherland didn’t realize he was dead.  He passed by a shop and the reflection in the glass had the word Mirror reversed.  Kind of, sort of,  like that.

Mavis:

Earth to DeDe.

DeDe:

Sorry, I got carried away.

Mavis:

How did you do from grade 1-6?

DeDe:

Man, the alphabets were tough. Rhyming words and counting the syllables in the words are very hard. I cannot for the life of me put those sounds with the letters.  I needed an interpreter when it came to written words. If I hear a word with more than one syllable, me and Norvella NLD can really mess it up.

Mavis:

When you got older and entered Middle School, did it get any better?

DeDe:

No, my spelling was horrible like my girlfriend Norvella NLD.  She had this dictionary thing going on. You could look at her word even if it looked like it was spelled wrong, you could tell what the word was. It was strange…  it still looked like her word was 100% accurate in spelling.  My word was just wrong. The teachers didn’t understand and we both got an F.

Now I don’t think Novella NLD should have got an F.  I had a hard time reading out loud, everything was out-of-order, and I skipped over words.  Any word that was close enough to the word that I was supposed to say, I would use that word in its place.  Novella NLD and I both have trouble with organization skills.  We also have trouble with time on task.

These skills need to be in a treatment center, treating it on a daily basis.   I can’t put words to the right meaning. We both failed to know what is alike and different in words and letters.  Girl, we can crunch the letter together like you defragment folders on a computer.  We just can’t get the spacing between the words.  If Novella NLD and I have not seen the word before, it will definitely not be pronounced right.

Mavis: How are you getting along today?

DeDe:

Well, Mavis, I got so good at hiding being dyslexia that I fooled myself.  Everything runs its course and will reveal itself sooner or later.  People began to see through me. I want to make this perfectly clear to my audience.  I do not write words backward or move words around.  I have a tendency to put words that are not related to words that should be there.

Mavis:

What other learning disability you have in common with Norvella NLD?

DeDe:

Well, we both have problems in math (dyscalculia). Simple math can be difficult.  Higher math like geometry can be more understandable.  Higher math can become difficult and be very abstract like geometry to NLD.  We have problems with writing (dysgraphia).  It is hard to put our thoughts on paper.  Thank God for the computer.  I know Norvella NLD forgets letter formation and has pain and numbness in her fingers.

Mavis:

Well, Darlene Dyslexia, better known as AKA DeDe……..

DeDe:

Hey, did you ask me if you could call me DeDe??

Mavis:

On that note, I think we better go.

Darlene Dyslexia:

Okay, love you Novella NLD.  Hurry up and get well girlfriend.  I will be calling the AAP.  I mean the APA. Tell Missy Elliot, Queen Latifah, and McLyte that they can ball up my contract.  If this album has to rhyme it’s a no go. You girls know I have a major problem in this area.  Love You All.

Mavis:

You heard it from the Who Not The View and our guest,  Darlene Dyslexia.

Look of Love NLD Valentines’s Day

by Linda Ballard

The Scene opens with a loving couple talking to each other.

Cynthia:

Did you bring me that special edition of Ebony Magazine?

Leon:

Yes, I did.

Cynthia:

I”m talking about the one that has the three different covers on it.

Leon:

I got this baby girl.

Cynthia:

Is it the edition with the Obama’s on it?

Leon:

Yes, it is.

Cynthia:

Does it say 15 Hottest Couples?

Leon:

Okay, stop right there. You’re rocking my list. That was eight questions. When you sent me to the store, you gave me too many directions. You wanted the magazine, avocados and hair dye. I forgot the other stuff.  So I went back to pick up BeBe so he could help me out.

Cynthia:

You went to Bebe’s house!  Is that why it took you so long?

Leon:

Bebe is my interpreter. We have been hanging out together for years. He’s my trusted friend and he has my back.

Cynthia:

Yeah right, Bebe is a knucklehead.

Leon:

Hey, you don’t need to be dissing my friend.  I have a hard time multitasking. If you just give me 3-5 things to do, I will be just fine.  But girl, you went on and on.

Cynthia:

So, are you telling me that I worked your nerves?

Leon:

Hey, I did not say that. I’m saying that if you give me too many directions it’s going to set me up for failure.  Baby, I have problems with multitasking.  It is on my list.

Cynthia:

You and your list.  All I asked you to do is get me a few things from the store, stop at Arnesha,  get my curling iron and pick up my dress from the cleaners. You forgot that but you didn’t forget Bebe.  Since he is your interpreter, why don’t you marry him? Interpret that!

Leon:

Ooh, don’t tempt me, girl.

Cynthia:

What did you say?

Leon:

My friends Andre Autism, Arnell Asperger and Ace ADHD have the same problem with staying focused and multitasking.

Cynthia:

No Leon, your friends have problems with their names all starting with A. There are 26 letters in the alphabet.  Is that all their parents can come up with is the letter A?

Leon:

Come on. Your friends name Arnesha.

Cynthia:

Leon, don’t go there.  Just bring me the magazine and tell me what you see. Okay, come over here.  Are you paying attention?

Leon:

Yeah, baby.

Cynthia:

Well…?

Leon:

Michelle and Barack have pretty teeth.

Cynthia:

Get out of here.  You did not just say that.  They’re smiling.  Check out the look in their eyes.  Leon, this is the look of passion and true love.

Leon:

Girl, you are over the top. So I am supposed to see all that from a look on their faces in a magazine photo?  Right.

Cynthia:

You never look at me anyway when I’m talking to you. Hell, I will take a cross-eyed look right about now…  Anything!

Leon:

Cynthia it is going to make you mad. It is on my list.

Cynthia:

Here we go. I’m so tired of that list. Where Leon? Show it to me.

Leon:

It is right there with nonverbal communication. That’s why I can’t look at you or tell you what mood you are in. I can’t read facial expressions.  This has an effect on the way I act toward your friends. You get on me about that television show, Lie To Me. It teaches facial expression and body languages.  I’m really trying to learn.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, my friends will help you.

Leon:

Thanks, baby, I’ll keep looking at the program… and I’ll keep reading this book on different cultures and what their gaze means.

Cynthia:

Leon, I didn’t know you could read.  Just kidding.

Leon:

If we were Asians and we gazed at each other like that,  it could mean that we are rude, aggressive and disrespectful.  Japanese lower their gaze in respect. Our culture is more flirtatious. In some cultures, it means that you are putting a spell on someone by giving them the evil eye.  They even did a study on children who tested and gave better answers when they were not looking at the examiner.  It takes a lot of mental processing when you are looking at someone.  The children that look at the examiner did not do as well.  Hey, it is just a theory.

Cynthia:

Wow, Leon, that is really interesting.

Leon:

Cynthia… about your girlfriend Arnesha…

Cynthia:

Yeah, Leon.

Leon:

She has SAD

Cynthia:

No Leon, don’t you mean she IS sad?

Leon:

No, SAD means social anxiety disorder. She is petrified of embarrassing herself. Arnesha has an intense fear of people talking about her. Whenever Arnesha comes over here and we are going to the party, she starts pouring on the alcohol. She starts shaking, complaining that she has nausea, and pouring out the sweats. Did we ever make it to the party?  I know that is your homegirl,  but you really need to talk to her about seeing a doctor.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, I didn’t know you cared.

Leon:

I don’t.  She is drinking up all my Hennessy. Just kidding!  Gotcha back.

Cynthia:

Leon, I see you’re getting better with the jokes. Boy, I’m going to grey you up yet.

Leon:

I just wanted to include Arnesha… I know how it feels to be left out.

Cynthia:

Leon, I’m so proud of you. You have really come a long way.

Leon:

Cynthia, I really appreciate you too.  I know it has been hard for you but thanks for hanging out.

Cynthia:

Leon, can you try to give me that look Barack is giving Michelle?

Leon:

Girl it’s going to take a long time before I master that one. Will you hang tough with me that long?

Cynthia:

Well, as long as you keep trying.  For now, I will take Alicia and Swizz or we can go for a Will and Jada smile and gaze.

Leon:

Baby, try not to rock my list. It took lots of work getting me to express my feelings. Just please be patient and together we will achieve one skill at a time.  At least I’m not Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost saying “Ditto”.

Cynthia:

I love you, Leon.

Leon:

Happy Valentine’s Day Cynthia.

Cynthia:

Good Night.

Superbowl Game Time, Rockin’ the List

by Linda Ballard

For the first time in the forty-year history of the franchise … the NLD’ers.   It has been a painstaking miniseries and a Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure, but it finally paid off.  The fans are quite mystified by the NLD’ers.  They have been around for years but no one has been scoping them out.

Walk with me.  I see Commissioner District.  Commissioner District can you tell me anything about the NLD’ers?  “No, who in the hell are these guys and what spectrum do they come from?”  The Commissioner commented:  “I know about Aspergers and my money on them.”

Aspergers is a tough team to beat.  They are not very sociable.  It is not that making friends and developing relationships don’t matter, but they only hold one special interest.  They go on and on about that interest and people become frustrated and think they are boring or only into themselves.  Well, it won’t be any love lost between the NLD’ers and the Aspies.  There will be no Hollywood hugs and kisses between them.

So, Bobby Tourette, what is the big rivalry between the NLD’ers and the Aspies?   Remember we have kids in the house, just hold the cursing down!  Well, the NLD’ers hold many interests.  They can converse on any topic.  The Aspies think that NLD’ers is the know-it-all.  NLD’ers volume gets pumped up on their vocals and then they’re in your face and in your space.  This is not intentional.  Hey, I get along with the NLD’ers.  The Aspies will let you know they are not interested.  You might as well find someone or something else to do.

Mark Autism you have been in the game for over thirty years.  You know what it is like to be Number #1.  What is your perspective on the game?  Jack PDD-NOS  it is like being at the top of the Billboard’s records chart. This is a very recognizable label.  You know how that works Jack PDD-NOS. Take, for instance, you are a little bit of this and a little of that and not enough to qualify for anyone’s team.  You need a real label.  Dr. Psych.  despises you.  Dude, get rid of the NOS (not otherwise specified) and you can come out and play with the big boys.  People might think you are that NOS caffeine drink.

Andre ADHD pays attention and tries to stay focused on the commentary,  but he can’t put the Munch and Crunch down.  How do you think the NLD’ers will do against the Aspies?  Well, Mark Autism,  this will be a bloodbath.  Right now,  Aspergers is pretty hot under the collar.  Dr. Psych and his followers decided to drop the Aspies off the list and put them down with NOS, of all players.  Do you know this will affect their insurance, state funding, and definitely affect their educations?

We are in for one hell of a game. I don’t know why they would have picked the American Psychiatric Association to moderate the game.  When the Aspies see the APA they are going to go off and start cursing like Bobby Tourette.  They are so focused on the list.  I wonder will they be able to play the game?  Do not mess with the Aspies special interest. The NLD’er just might pull this one-off. They have a lot going on. Winning this game means a lot to the underdog. For the first time in the history of forty years, there will be more testing, state funding, insurance coverage, school reformation, and they will be recognizable. NLD’ers will take their rightful place on the DSMV, hold their trophy in the air and wave it like they just don’t care. Keep your heads to the sky and they will be Rockin’ the List.

Super Bowl Flare Up NLD

by Linda Ballard

We are counting down the days to the Superbowl. Emotions are running high. Our tempers are flaring up. Americans go berserk when competitive sports are involved.

Can I have a spotlight down here, please?  I just need to take a closer look at some of the players.  Thank you.  Maybe this will shine the light on why our team players are having these outbursts of anger, and explosive behaviors.

Leroy, get over here and stop acting like you own the team.  I know you don’t do well with criticism.  You upset a few of your teammates when you get loud and you were in their face.  Don’t be upset if they change the color of your shoes. You look like a Demanding Diva to the coach and the owner.

Let’s get one thing straight.  Leroy is not emotionally disturbed.  He has some negative behaviors but he is not a behavior problem.  In the Sunday paper, it had Leroy Syndrome painted as an arrogant a-hole.   He is not arrogant and he wasn’t having a bad hair day.  Leroy Syndrome is NLD.  Leroy does Leroy.  He does himself.  Leroy does have other special interests.

It appears that Leroy may have a know-it-all attitude.  He has trouble with authority figures and has a problem with identifying who is in charge.  So coach Asperger, just explains to him in a nice calm voice that the team is not his.  Sorry Coach, I forgot you have the same problem with a loud voice.  We will find someone else to do it.  Leroy does better with praises than with criticism.  Tell Mike Ditka this is good for Leroy’s self-esteem.  What is wrong with positive feedback?  We all know Leroy needs a lot of praises.

Bring that bucket over here.  Is that the understanding bucket?  That’s the wrong bucket.  Get it out of here!

Tell Dwayne and Boo Boo don’t get mad.  I know he talks loud.  The other players Asperger,  Autism, and ADHD talks loud also.  He did not mean to sound threatening.  Leroy has a right hemisphere brain disorder.  He is unable to comprehend changes in voices and body language.  The non-verbal element of his speech is disturbed.  Leroy doesn’t have rhythm.  Literally.  That’s in his voice and tone of his speech.  He can’t read the facial expressions which play a part in his loud voice.  Calmly say to him, lower your voice.  He just needs to be cued in.

Leroy would you tell them that those tennis shoes are not your lucky piece charm.  “Yes, I have a hard time adapting to change and the coach did not let me know ahead of time.”  Leroy, is there anything else you would like to tell us?  “Well, the shoes are important to me.  I have a difficult time with what is relevant or irrelevant.  I talk off task or get away from the subject.  When people don’t explain themselves and they ask me did I understand, I say no.”  Well, you heard it firsthand from Leroy Syndrome.  This will help you understand why people tell you NO.

To the owner, you have a manual on how the game is played.  It is time to get a manual on Leroy Syndrome.

This one is dedicated to Barack and Michelle Obama.  Understanding NO is important.

NLD Superbowl – Pregame

by Linda Ballard

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY NLD PRE-GAME

Superbowl Sunday is the unofficial national holiday for most men across America. This day is of special interest to wives who suspect their husbands have NLD. During the Superbowl, many men will appear to focus only on football with absolutely no regard to Valentine’s Day (which comes only eight days later)! Is this NLD?

Here is an inventory list of ladies who suspect that something is wrong with their man:

· “All that and a bag of chips” actually refers to Tostitos Artisan Chips and Mango Salsa

· Increased talk about buying a large screen television

· Frequent blurting of statistical information on all the players

· Constant talk of linebackers, defensive line, secondary, corner & safety back

· Talk of an offensive line, running backs, wide receivers and tight ends.

It’s okay. Men suffering from NLD will probably mention nothing about it being only eight more days until Valentine’s Day. NLDers often have an incorrect concept of time and tracking. If a man doesn’t have it programmed in his computer, iPad or phone that day, it is not an important event. This problem is specific to NDLers and Game Day.

Don’t worry, ladies. There are strategies and coping skills to help you through the big event. My advice is to call the Love Doctor, Michael Baisden. Tell Dr. Baisden how your man is not paying attention to you, how he acts like he doesn’t love you and that he hasn’t even mentioned Valentine’s Day. I’m thinking the response from Dr. Baisden would go something like this:

“Hey, Baby. This is the Michael Baisden Show. Stop tripping. Well, He’s not paying attention to you because he has Attention Deficit Disorder and you are not the major focus of the day. As for your comment that he ‘acts like he doesn’t love you,’ that is not the case at all. He does love you, but it is hard for him to express himself, and love is an abstract concept, Baby. Be patient. The reason that he doesn’t mention Valentine’s Day is he has lost all track of space and time. Don’t worry, Baby. When they say ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ they really mean ‘your man is NLD.’ Baby girl, read up on it and don’t be so hard on a brother. If you can’t find any clarity from your man, rent another man for the day. This is Michael Baisden, and I’m out.”

Who In The World Is NLD

by Linda Ballard

It is time to go in search of specific characteristics or traits that sets me apart from others.   These characteristics will help identify NLD

>  I can talk it out better than simply doing the task

> My speech and language develop early

>  I learn information by habit or rote memory

>  I use Fancy footwork to express myself eloquently

>  Dancing is out, tying my shoes and typing is difficult, I will not be on a balance beam, or riding a bike due to coordination problems

> My nervous system is compromised which causes me to have severe balance problems

> No cutting the turkey, or cutting any objects for that matter – fine motor skills

> It’s hard to identify faces, to judge people, It is hard to understand others viewpoints,   and I have a problem with the perception of time.

> I can’t read people’s body language (posture, gesture, facial expression, social cues)

> I find it difficult adapting to change and transitioning

> I take abstract concepts literal, hidden residual rules

> I have poor social judgment and trouble interacting with people

There are three areas that include NLD and surround me.

> motoric

> visual-spatial-organizational

> social

Motoric – impairment causing difficulty to typing and writing (computers, iMac, iPods, iTouch, iPad, iPhone).

Thank you to Steve Jobs, Bill Gates of Microsoft and Michael Dell of Dell Computers, Sony and for Mac Scribe;

NLD has difficulty buttoning, fastening,(Thank you, Robert Kiyosaki, for velcro); manipulating small objects, tasks that require dexterity(Thank you for your “As Seen On TV”, Grabber, your One Touch can opener, Slicer Dicer, and Magic Bullet ).

NLD talks their way through a motor task (verbally)(Thank you for Bluetooth);

NLD resist eating with a fork or spoon, (Thank you for food product like Cup of Soup with a spout) laying on the floor, NLD finds it hard to sit in a chair(Thank You for video rocking chairs, ottomans, platform beds, and bean bags) due to coordination it will be difficult to master simple athletic skills,

NLD find their gross motor skills are impaired (running, jumping, climbing)

NLD presses too hard with the pencil.(Thank you for stylus)

Visual-spatial/visual perception-organizational-

For NLD it is difficult to tell who is in charge (difficulty with authority figures) hard to judge how heavy or large an object (doesn’t explore the world around him/her), hard to gather information, can’t envision or no imagination, can’t think creatively or abstractly not sure where his body is in space (space invader)

NLD can’t read maps, graphs or charts (Thank You for Garmin, TomTom, Apple, Verizon, T-Mobile, Net 10, Sprint, Nextel, AT&T, Straight Talk, Cricket for your navigational devices);

NLD  verbally labels everything, difficulty with shapes, sequence, prioritizing, binds through dialogue (use Bluetooth), difficulty with left and right,   and concept formation organizing and planning.

Social-expressive and receptive language –

NLD has difficulty with pragmatic and semantic skills (linguistic and how one express oneself) or linguistic syntax, abstract language (figurative, idioms, multiple meaning) very literal, monotone voice,

NLD has lots of social blunders, cannot decipher posture, facial expression, very black and white, cannot read between the lines,

NLD makes very precise remarks, people think they are jerks,

NLD has cocktail party speech(Captain Jack Sparrow), labeled as a pest or annoying, rude, not courteous

NLD may appear to others as disrespectful, naively trusting (needs trusted adults or grand guardians) rigid in thoughts…

In addition, NLD has difficulty with attention deficits, overstimulating environments, trouble with staying focus, and distractions need to be limited. Multitasking is counterproductive and step by step procedures work best with limited directions.

We Need An Interpreter

by Linda Ballard

You know, we need an interpreter. This goes out to all my NLD associates. I chose the eyeglasses with one lens analogy because it gives a distorted view. This is not the whole picture. We get false impressions of what we see and how we interpret the information. We may miss the body language. Much of the nonverbal information is missed. Perfect, I don’t get the whole picture either!

English is truly a second language. Just like how you may interpret other foreign languages, English is foreign to me. If you start adding METAPHORS, SIMILES, and PERSONIFICATIONS, things really become abstract. You really have some explaining to do if you start talking to me with idioms and sarcasm…. don’t bother going there.

People make comments and say “It flew over your head.” I would say I did not have the ability to “get it.” I did not understand the meaning. Did the person explain it to me? This is very frustrating and makes people angry. Just say it in plain English. It’s time to break it down.

So in the world of Harry Potter, I’m going to need a dictionary. So many of the words seem abstract in these books. Twilight was simply horrible. We will be sitting in the movie theater and you will become my interpreter. This will continue throughout the movie.

Here come the famous questions…

What was your conclusion? How can you draw inference upon what happened? I have an idea if you POINT IT OUT and EXPLAIN IT all to me, I will give you an answer. This is where we begin to pour the concrete. I need CONCRETE, EXPLICIT, and FACTUAL INFORMATION.

People may think I am being sarcastic. I’m not. Do you know what I am talking about? Truth is, I don’t have a clue about sarcasm. It all sounds foreign to me.

Does this sound familiar? Do you have anybody in mind?

Hey, those are not my eyeglasses…

by Linda Ballard

Hey, those are not my eyeglasses. One of the lenses is missing. The left lens is intact, but the right lens is out. Now you are cooking! Thank you for finding my neuro-behavioral right hemisphere shades. No, I’m not Captain Sparrow. I’m NLD.

Don’t worry, we will hit a few bumps along the way. We are going to have some misunderstandings. This is just a friendly reminder to let you know that I’m not EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED. I have UNINTENTIONAL BEHAVIORS So whatever happens to me and the world around me, I did not do it on purpose.

Those bumps will decrease, the misunderstandings will diminish if you EDUCATE yourself about me. Just TEACH me. Give me the FACTS, no FLUFF and we will be okay. SPELL IT OUT, POINT IT OUT, so that we can TALK IT OUT. LA Confidential. Just the Facts Jack!

From where I am standing, looking through these glasses, I process information differently. You would too if you miss 65% of NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION.

Sure, I talk a good game but all hell is going to break loose if I have to apply the information or write it. Look close… that’s right… I’m very language proficient.

In the educational world, they judge you by scholastic achievements based on language communication. What happens when you stop talking? We have to decipher the NONVERBAL ASPECT of COMMUNICATION. Uh oh, I’m in trouble now! The body starts talking. I can’t read it.

Let me ask you something… Do you know anyone like this? Does it sound like you?

Stay Tuned…..