Don’t Spoil It!

Is the coast clear?  Did you actually believe the words written on the card? Don’t you wish that all the people who could express their true feelings do so? Have the flowers died?  Are the balloons beginning to deflate? Did you get the special Valentine’s Dinner offer? Do you have any more candy left?  Has the bubbly gone out the campaign? Were you playing the Isley Brother’s throwback, Love The One You With?  Were you singing Rude Boys and Gerald Levert, Written All Over Your Face?  Were you caught up in the Red Moment?  Are you seeing Red?  How many people out there in the universe think Valentine’s Day is OVERRATED?  Are you mad because everything you purchase is now on clearance?  Do you feel like you want to put your relationship on clearance? There are 365 days in a year on a regular note and 1 extra day allowed in 2016. Did I strike a nerve? Don’t Spoil It!

 

 

 

There was plenty of TIME to pour the wine.

Did you forget or fail to do so?

I could not read was Written All Over Your Face.

I’m confused, angry and caught up in a bind.

Where is your navigational device, Robinson Crusoe?

Shipwrecked again! What a sin!  Is it so hard for you to find my place?

 

 

 

Baby! You know it doubles and I have boo-coo trouble with any type of directions.

Time escapes me and totally flies by.

This navigational device failed and really stinks.

I made a WRONG TURN so I call my BOI’s for protection.

Pharrell, Bruno, and Will I Am won’t LIE.

OMG! You bought the device for me. Forgive me, Baby, I didn’t think.

 

 

 

There will be no cuddle or huddle at this address.

Don’t bother to give me your worthless card.

I tried to be understanding when you said the words don’t come out right.

Take your dead flowers and your deflated balloons so I can clean up this mess.

Your clothes will be out in the yard.

Tell your Posse your lady got bossy. You are lucky you did not get a knuckle-soup fight.

 

 

 

Baby! I know the dinner did not make me a winner.

I am sorry I ate some of your candy on the way.

Hey! How was I supposed to know the champagne was flat?

A few pieces of candy missing won’t help you look thinner.

That was a rotten and awful thing for me to say.

It was a slip of the lip but Baby I did not call you fat.

 

 

 

I wanted to scream and shout as I sat there pouring my heart out.

So I began to sing Chaka Khan’s, My Funny Valentine.

What happened next didn’t EVEN seem real.

This Brother had used up all of his clouts.

Yes, I was tipsy but not drunk nor out of mind.

What did you say Boo? You know you’re through. I’m sober and here’s the deal.

 

 

 

Wait for a minute baby! You’re driving me crazy. It’s just a simple mistake.

My tongue got twisted and I pronounced your name wrong.

I struggle with expressive/receptive language and a speech impediment.

I’m starting to get a massive headache.

I’ve tried everything plus a  dance and a song.

Really! This argument is silly. Don’t make me get belligerent.

 

 

 

It’s a shame you blame the UNINTENTIONAL BEHAVIORS.

Your CHOICE was to LIE and bring on the external commotion.

Critical thinking and logic is the sum of cold cognition.

Word Up! Bro, you are not the only man nor my savior.

I did not CHOOSE but was born not understanding my internal emotions.

Look me up. I will Hook you up. GOOGLE NLD RECOGNITION.

 

Don’t Spoil It.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Look of Love NLD Valentines’s Day

The Scene opens with a loving couple talking to each other.

Cynthia:

Did you bring me that special edition of Ebony Magazine?

Leon:

Yes, I did.

Cynthia:

I”m talking about the one that has the three different covers on it.

Leon:

I got this baby girl.

Cynthia:

Is it the edition with the Obama’s on it?

Leon:

Yes, it is.

Cynthia:

Does it say 15 Hottest Couples?

Leon:

Okay, stop right there. You’re rocking my list. That was eight questions. When you sent me to the store, you gave me too many directions. You wanted the magazine, avocados and hair dye. I forgot the other stuff.  So I went back to pick up BeBe so he could help me out.

Cynthia:

You went to Bebe’s house!  Is that why it took you so long?

Leon:

Bebe is my interpreter. We have been hanging out together for years. He’s my trusted friend and he has my back.

Cynthia:

Yeah right, Bebe is a knucklehead.

Leon:

Hey, you don’t need to be dissing my friend.  I have a hard time multitasking. If you just give me 3-5 things to do, I will be just fine.  But girl, you went on and on.

Cynthia:

So, are you telling me that I worked your nerves?

Leon:

Hey, I did not say that. I’m saying that if you give me too many directions it’s going to set me up for failure.  Baby, I have problems with multitasking.  It is on my list.

Cynthia:

You and your list.  All I asked you to do is get me a few things from the store, stop at Arnesha,  get my curling iron and pick up my dress from the cleaners. You forgot that but you didn’t forget Bebe.  Since he is your interpreter, why don’t you marry him? Interpret that!

Leon:

Ooh, don’t tempt me, girl.

Cynthia:

What did you say?

Leon:

My friends Andre Autism, Arnell Asperger and Ace ADHD have the same problem with staying focused and multitasking.

Cynthia:

No Leon, your friends have problems with their names all starting with A. There are 26 letters in the alphabet.  Is that all their parents can come up with is the letter A?

Leon:

Come on. Your friends name Arnesha.

Cynthia:

Leon, don’t go there.  Just bring me the magazine and tell me what you see. Okay, come over here.  Are you paying attention?

Leon:

Yeah, baby.

Cynthia:

Well…?

Leon:

Michelle and Barack have pretty teeth.

Cynthia:

Get out of here.  You did not just say that.  They’re smiling.  Check out the look in their eyes.  Leon, this is the look of passion and true love.

Leon:

Girl, you are over the top. So I am supposed to see all that from a look on their faces in a magazine photo?  Right.

Cynthia:

You never look at me anyway when I’m talking to you. Hell, I will take a cross-eyed look right about now…  Anything!

Leon:

Cynthia it is going to make you mad. It is on my list.

Cynthia:

Here we go. I’m so tired of that list. Where Leon? Show it to me.

Leon:

It is right there with nonverbal communication. That’s why I can’t look at you or tell you what mood you are in. I can’t read facial expressions.  This has an effect on the way I act toward your friends. You get on me about that television show, Lie To Me. It teaches facial expression and body languages.  I’m really trying to learn.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, my friends will help you.

Leon:

Thanks, baby, I’ll keep looking at the program… and I’ll keep reading this book on different cultures and what their gaze means.

Cynthia:

Leon, I didn’t know you could read.  Just kidding.

Leon:

If we were Asians and we gazed at each other like that,  it could mean that we are rude, aggressive and disrespectful.  Japanese lower their gaze in respect. Our culture is more flirtatious. In some cultures, it means that you are putting a spell on someone by giving them the evil eye.  They even did a study on children who tested and gave better answers when they were not looking at the examiner.  It takes a lot of mental processing when you are looking at someone.  The children that look at the examiner did not do as well.  Hey, it is just a theory.

Cynthia:

Wow, Leon, that is really interesting.

Leon:

Cynthia… about your girlfriend Arnesha…

Cynthia:

Yeah, Leon.

Leon:

She has SAD

Cynthia:

No Leon, don’t you mean she IS sad?

Leon:

No, SAD means social anxiety disorder. She is petrified of embarrassing herself. Arnesha has an intense fear of people talking about her. Whenever Arnesha comes over here and we are going to the party, she starts pouring on the alcohol. She starts shaking, complaining that she has nausea, and pouring out the sweats. Did we ever make it to the party?  I know that is your homegirl,  but you really need to talk to her about seeing a doctor.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, I didn’t know you cared.

Leon:

I don’t.  She is drinking up all my Hennessy. Just kidding!  Gotcha back.

Cynthia:

Leon, I see you’re getting better with the jokes. Boy, I’m going to grey you up yet.

Leon:

I just wanted to include Arnesha… I know how it feels to be left out.

Cynthia:

Leon, I’m so proud of you. You have really come a long way.

Leon:

Cynthia, I really appreciate you too.  I know it has been hard for you but thanks for hanging out.

Cynthia:

Leon, can you try to give me that look Barack is giving Michelle?

Leon:

Girl it’s going to take a long time before I master that one. Will you hang tough with me that long?

Cynthia:

Well, as long as you keep trying.  For now, I will take Alicia and Swizz or we can go for a Will and Jada smile and gaze.

Leon:

Baby, try not to rock my list. It took lots of work getting me to express my feelings. Just please be patient and together we will achieve one skill at a time.  At least I’m not Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost saying “Ditto”.

Cynthia:

I love you, Leon.

Leon:

Happy Valentine’s Day Cynthia.

Cynthia:

Good Night.

NLD Superbowl – Pregame

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY NLD PRE-GAME

Superbowl Sunday is the unofficial national holiday for most men across America. This day is of special interest to wives who suspect their husbands have NLD. During the Superbowl, many men will appear to focus only on football with absolutely no regard to Valentine’s Day (which comes only eight days later)! Is this NLD?

Here is an inventory list of ladies who suspect that something is wrong with their man:

· “All that and a bag of chips” actually refers to Tostitos Artisan Chips and Mango Salsa

· Increased talk about buying a large screen television

· Frequent blurting of statistical information on all the players

· Constant talk of linebackers, defensive line, secondary, corner & safety back

· Talk of an offensive line, running backs, wide receivers and tight ends.

It’s okay. Men suffering from NLD will probably mention nothing about it being only eight more days until Valentine’s Day. NLDers often have an incorrect concept of time and tracking. If a man doesn’t have it programmed in his computer, iPad or phone that day, it is not an important event. This problem is specific to NDLers and Game Day.

Don’t worry, ladies. There are strategies and coping skills to help you through the big event. My advice is to call the Love Doctor, Michael Baisden. Tell Dr. Baisden how your man is not paying attention to you, how he acts like he doesn’t love you and that he hasn’t even mentioned Valentine’s Day. I’m thinking the response from Dr. Baisden would go something like this:

“Hey, Baby. This is the Michael Baisden Show. Stop tripping. Well, He’s not paying attention to you because he has Attention Deficit Disorder and you are not the major focus of the day. As for your comment that he ‘acts like he doesn’t love you,’ that is not the case at all. He does love you, but it is hard for him to express himself, and love is an abstract concept, Baby. Be patient. The reason that he doesn’t mention Valentine’s Day is he has lost all track of space and time. Don’t worry, Baby. When they say ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ they really mean ‘your man is NLD.’ Baby girl, read up on it and don’t be so hard on a brother. If you can’t find any clarity from your man, rent another man for the day. This is Michael Baisden, and I’m out.”