Category Archives: mental-health

The Who Not The View Featuring Darlene Dyslexia

by Linda Ballard

Scene:  A TV station, lights blazing and an actual live studio audience is roaring…

Mavis:

Welcome to “The Who, Not The View”  and our first guest, Darlene Dyslexia

Darlene Dyslexia:

It’s so good to be here Mavis. Love the earrings and shoes.

Mavis:

Can you tell our viewers today what new project you’ve taken on?

Darlene Dyslexia:

First I want to say something about my dear friend and longtime business partner Norvella NLD. She was unable to make it to the show today. We both have taken on the APA (American Psychiatric Association).  My girlfriend always includes her friends in her life and it’s about time that we start including her.  We are going to get Norvella NLD on the list.  Tell Anita Asperger not to worry.  When the DSM5 rolls around in May 2013 we are going to make sure that Aspergers hold their place.  Norvella NLD will have a place for the first time in our history.  Tell Wrong Planet.com to come down to earth and visit with us. We love them and we totally understand how they feel.

Mavis:

Do you mind if I call you DeDe?

Darlene Dyslexia:

Sure, I have been called lots of things in my lifetime.  I will be fine as long as people don’t get me confused with DeDe of Dextor Laboratory or Dare Devil of Marvel Comics.

Mavis:

I’m sure they won’t make that mistake. (sarcastic)

DeDe:

It’s really good seeing you after all these years.  Mad Mavis Behavior, you have really come a long way since back in the day. I just have to tell the viewers, girlfriend here wasn’t always the sweet  M&M milk chocolate.  Whoooo,  I’m proud of you.  You were a bitter b……… back in the day.

Mavis:

Hey! Hey!  This is a family show.  I’m here to talk about you.  Tell our viewers something about you (getting frustrated.)

DeDe:

Okay, don’t get your boxer shorts in a bunch.

Mavis:

Just answer the question. (steamed)

DeDe:

Now dyslexia is a learning disability that damages a person’s ability to read.  It will rise up and show its ugly head. People will notice that someone with dyslexia will have problems with speaking and spelling. When someone with dyslexia hears the sound of the words it is very hard for them to interpret and spell the word.

Mavis:

Who is the lowest man on the totem pole in your thought processing?

DeDe:

Well, Mavis, it would be what I hear, see, and notice.

Mavis:

Is your IQ connected to dyslexia?

DeDe:

I’m glad you asked.  No.   With me and others that have dyslexia,  reading and our thought process develop separately.  Norvella NLD shows strengths and weaknesses in her IQ.  My  IQ is normal but the reading kills me and this is where  Norvella NLD  kicks my tail and excels.  We are really just the opposite of each other. I have a left hemisphere disability.  Norvella NLD has a right hemisphere disability. We get along so well.  They say opposites attract.  She has a developmental disability that is neurological. My disability is not-neurological that is connected to the brain caused by factors in the brain that affect my ability to read, write and spell.

Mavis:

Is dyslexia genetic?

DeDe:

In some families, it can be inherited. Recently they have identified genes that show the person can develop dyslexia.  The Ronnie Booze family got it.  Girl, his family has got a whole lot going on.

Mavis:

Do you know if  Norvella NLD syndrome is inherited?

DeDe:

The last time I heard there wasn’t anything genetic linked to NLD.

Mavis:

Did they ever decide on a definition for you?

DeDe:

Girlfriend, I’m all over the place and it is hard to pin me down.  Maybe I can come back and do a show on all those hypothesis and theories about dyslexia and me.

Mavis:

DeDe let’s try to get through this show. So is that a yes or no on the definition of your name (frustrated)?

DeDe:

That would be no.  All of these associations have not reached a consensus on the true meaning of dyslexia. Don’t you think that suits me well?

Mavis:

I think it fits you perfect (irritated).  How did you do in pre-school?

DeDe:

Well, I have speech delays.  It takes me forever to learn new words.  Nursery rhymes I just dread.  They are so hard for me.  Sometimes my letters reverse on me.  Remember in the movie when Keifer Sutherland didn’t realize he was dead.  He passed by a shop and the reflection in the glass had the word Mirror reversed.  Kind of, sort of,  like that.

Mavis:

Earth to DeDe.

DeDe:

Sorry, I got carried away.

Mavis:

How did you do from grade 1-6?

DeDe:

Man, the alphabets were tough. Rhyming words and counting the syllables in the words are very hard. I cannot for the life of me put those sounds with the letters.  I needed an interpreter when it came to written words. If I hear a word with more than one syllable, me and Norvella NLD can really mess it up.

Mavis:

When you got older and entered Middle School, did it get any better?

DeDe:

No, my spelling was horrible like my girlfriend Norvella NLD.  She had this dictionary thing going on. You could look at her word even if it looked like it was spelled wrong, you could tell what the word was. It was strange…  it still looked like her word was 100% accurate in spelling.  My word was just wrong. The teachers didn’t understand and we both got an F.

Now I don’t think Novella NLD should have got an F.  I had a hard time reading out loud, everything was out-of-order, and I skipped over words.  Any word that was close enough to the word that I was supposed to say, I would use that word in its place.  Novella NLD and I both have trouble with organization skills.  We also have trouble with time on task.

These skills need to be in a treatment center, treating it on a daily basis.   I can’t put words to the right meaning. We both failed to know what is alike and different in words and letters.  Girl, we can crunch the letter together like you defragment folders on a computer.  We just can’t get the spacing between the words.  If Novella NLD and I have not seen the word before, it will definitely not be pronounced right.

Mavis: How are you getting along today?

DeDe:

Well, Mavis, I got so good at hiding being dyslexia that I fooled myself.  Everything runs its course and will reveal itself sooner or later.  People began to see through me. I want to make this perfectly clear to my audience.  I do not write words backward or move words around.  I have a tendency to put words that are not related to words that should be there.

Mavis:

What other learning disability you have in common with Norvella NLD?

DeDe:

Well, we both have problems in math (dyscalculia). Simple math can be difficult.  Higher math like geometry can be more understandable.  Higher math can become difficult and be very abstract like geometry to NLD.  We have problems with writing (dysgraphia).  It is hard to put our thoughts on paper.  Thank God for the computer.  I know Norvella NLD forgets letter formation and has pain and numbness in her fingers.

Mavis:

Well, Darlene Dyslexia, better known as AKA DeDe……..

DeDe:

Hey, did you ask me if you could call me DeDe??

Mavis:

On that note, I think we better go.

Darlene Dyslexia:

Okay, love you Novella NLD.  Hurry up and get well girlfriend.  I will be calling the AAP.  I mean the APA. Tell Missy Elliot, Queen Latifah, and McLyte that they can ball up my contract.  If this album has to rhyme it’s a no go. You girls know I have a major problem in this area.  Love You All.

Mavis:

You heard it from the Who Not The View and our guest,  Darlene Dyslexia.

Look of Love NLD Valentines’s Day

by Linda Ballard

The Scene opens with a loving couple talking to each other.

Cynthia:

Did you bring me that special edition of Ebony Magazine?

Leon:

Yes, I did.

Cynthia:

I”m talking about the one that has the three different covers on it.

Leon:

I got this baby girl.

Cynthia:

Is it the edition with the Obama’s on it?

Leon:

Yes, it is.

Cynthia:

Does it say 15 Hottest Couples?

Leon:

Okay, stop right there. You’re rocking my list. That was eight questions. When you sent me to the store, you gave me too many directions. You wanted the magazine, avocados and hair dye. I forgot the other stuff.  So I went back to pick up BeBe so he could help me out.

Cynthia:

You went to Bebe’s house!  Is that why it took you so long?

Leon:

Bebe is my interpreter. We have been hanging out together for years. He’s my trusted friend and he has my back.

Cynthia:

Yeah right, Bebe is a knucklehead.

Leon:

Hey, you don’t need to be dissing my friend.  I have a hard time multitasking. If you just give me 3-5 things to do, I will be just fine.  But girl, you went on and on.

Cynthia:

So, are you telling me that I worked your nerves?

Leon:

Hey, I did not say that. I’m saying that if you give me too many directions it’s going to set me up for failure.  Baby, I have problems with multitasking.  It is on my list.

Cynthia:

You and your list.  All I asked you to do is get me a few things from the store, stop at Arnesha,  get my curling iron and pick up my dress from the cleaners. You forgot that but you didn’t forget Bebe.  Since he is your interpreter, why don’t you marry him? Interpret that!

Leon:

Ooh, don’t tempt me, girl.

Cynthia:

What did you say?

Leon:

My friends Andre Autism, Arnell Asperger and Ace ADHD have the same problem with staying focused and multitasking.

Cynthia:

No Leon, your friends have problems with their names all starting with A. There are 26 letters in the alphabet.  Is that all their parents can come up with is the letter A?

Leon:

Come on. Your friends name Arnesha.

Cynthia:

Leon, don’t go there.  Just bring me the magazine and tell me what you see. Okay, come over here.  Are you paying attention?

Leon:

Yeah, baby.

Cynthia:

Well…?

Leon:

Michelle and Barack have pretty teeth.

Cynthia:

Get out of here.  You did not just say that.  They’re smiling.  Check out the look in their eyes.  Leon, this is the look of passion and true love.

Leon:

Girl, you are over the top. So I am supposed to see all that from a look on their faces in a magazine photo?  Right.

Cynthia:

You never look at me anyway when I’m talking to you. Hell, I will take a cross-eyed look right about now…  Anything!

Leon:

Cynthia it is going to make you mad. It is on my list.

Cynthia:

Here we go. I’m so tired of that list. Where Leon? Show it to me.

Leon:

It is right there with nonverbal communication. That’s why I can’t look at you or tell you what mood you are in. I can’t read facial expressions.  This has an effect on the way I act toward your friends. You get on me about that television show, Lie To Me. It teaches facial expression and body languages.  I’m really trying to learn.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, my friends will help you.

Leon:

Thanks, baby, I’ll keep looking at the program… and I’ll keep reading this book on different cultures and what their gaze means.

Cynthia:

Leon, I didn’t know you could read.  Just kidding.

Leon:

If we were Asians and we gazed at each other like that,  it could mean that we are rude, aggressive and disrespectful.  Japanese lower their gaze in respect. Our culture is more flirtatious. In some cultures, it means that you are putting a spell on someone by giving them the evil eye.  They even did a study on children who tested and gave better answers when they were not looking at the examiner.  It takes a lot of mental processing when you are looking at someone.  The children that look at the examiner did not do as well.  Hey, it is just a theory.

Cynthia:

Wow, Leon, that is really interesting.

Leon:

Cynthia… about your girlfriend Arnesha…

Cynthia:

Yeah, Leon.

Leon:

She has SAD

Cynthia:

No Leon, don’t you mean she IS sad?

Leon:

No, SAD means social anxiety disorder. She is petrified of embarrassing herself. Arnesha has an intense fear of people talking about her. Whenever Arnesha comes over here and we are going to the party, she starts pouring on the alcohol. She starts shaking, complaining that she has nausea, and pouring out the sweats. Did we ever make it to the party?  I know that is your homegirl,  but you really need to talk to her about seeing a doctor.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, I didn’t know you cared.

Leon:

I don’t.  She is drinking up all my Hennessy. Just kidding!  Gotcha back.

Cynthia:

Leon, I see you’re getting better with the jokes. Boy, I’m going to grey you up yet.

Leon:

I just wanted to include Arnesha… I know how it feels to be left out.

Cynthia:

Leon, I’m so proud of you. You have really come a long way.

Leon:

Cynthia, I really appreciate you too.  I know it has been hard for you but thanks for hanging out.

Cynthia:

Leon, can you try to give me that look Barack is giving Michelle?

Leon:

Girl it’s going to take a long time before I master that one. Will you hang tough with me that long?

Cynthia:

Well, as long as you keep trying.  For now, I will take Alicia and Swizz or we can go for a Will and Jada smile and gaze.

Leon:

Baby, try not to rock my list. It took lots of work getting me to express my feelings. Just please be patient and together we will achieve one skill at a time.  At least I’m not Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost saying “Ditto”.

Cynthia:

I love you, Leon.

Leon:

Happy Valentine’s Day Cynthia.

Cynthia:

Good Night.

Superbowl Game Time, Rockin’ the List

by Linda Ballard

For the first time in the forty-year history of the franchise … the NLD’ers.   It has been a painstaking miniseries and a Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure, but it finally paid off.  The fans are quite mystified by the NLD’ers.  They have been around for years but no one has been scoping them out.

Walk with me.  I see Commissioner District.  Commissioner District can you tell me anything about the NLD’ers?  “No, who in the hell are these guys and what spectrum do they come from?”  The Commissioner commented:  “I know about Aspergers and my money on them.”

Aspergers is a tough team to beat.  They are not very sociable.  It is not that making friends and developing relationships don’t matter, but they only hold one special interest.  They go on and on about that interest and people become frustrated and think they are boring or only into themselves.  Well, it won’t be any love lost between the NLD’ers and the Aspies.  There will be no Hollywood hugs and kisses between them.

So, Bobby Tourette, what is the big rivalry between the NLD’ers and the Aspies?   Remember we have kids in the house, just hold the cursing down!  Well, the NLD’ers hold many interests.  They can converse on any topic.  The Aspies think that NLD’ers is the know-it-all.  NLD’ers volume gets pumped up on their vocals and then they’re in your face and in your space.  This is not intentional.  Hey, I get along with the NLD’ers.  The Aspies will let you know they are not interested.  You might as well find someone or something else to do.

Mark Autism you have been in the game for over thirty years.  You know what it is like to be Number #1.  What is your perspective on the game?  Jack PDD-NOS  it is like being at the top of the Billboard’s records chart. This is a very recognizable label.  You know how that works Jack PDD-NOS. Take, for instance, you are a little bit of this and a little of that and not enough to qualify for anyone’s team.  You need a real label.  Dr. Psych.  despises you.  Dude, get rid of the NOS (not otherwise specified) and you can come out and play with the big boys.  People might think you are that NOS caffeine drink.

Andre ADHD pays attention and tries to stay focused on the commentary,  but he can’t put the Munch and Crunch down.  How do you think the NLD’ers will do against the Aspies?  Well, Mark Autism,  this will be a bloodbath.  Right now,  Aspergers is pretty hot under the collar.  Dr. Psych and his followers decided to drop the Aspies off the list and put them down with NOS, of all players.  Do you know this will affect their insurance, state funding, and definitely affect their educations?

We are in for one hell of a game. I don’t know why they would have picked the American Psychiatric Association to moderate the game.  When the Aspies see the APA they are going to go off and start cursing like Bobby Tourette.  They are so focused on the list.  I wonder will they be able to play the game?  Do not mess with the Aspies special interest. The NLD’er just might pull this one-off. They have a lot going on. Winning this game means a lot to the underdog. For the first time in the history of forty years, there will be more testing, state funding, insurance coverage, school reformation, and they will be recognizable. NLD’ers will take their rightful place on the DSMV, hold their trophy in the air and wave it like they just don’t care. Keep your heads to the sky and they will be Rockin’ the List.

Super Bowl Flare Up NLD

by Linda Ballard

We are counting down the days to the Superbowl. Emotions are running high. Our tempers are flaring up. Americans go berserk when competitive sports are involved.

Can I have a spotlight down here, please?  I just need to take a closer look at some of the players.  Thank you.  Maybe this will shine the light on why our team players are having these outbursts of anger, and explosive behaviors.

Leroy, get over here and stop acting like you own the team.  I know you don’t do well with criticism.  You upset a few of your teammates when you get loud and you were in their face.  Don’t be upset if they change the color of your shoes. You look like a Demanding Diva to the coach and the owner.

Let’s get one thing straight.  Leroy is not emotionally disturbed.  He has some negative behaviors but he is not a behavior problem.  In the Sunday paper, it had Leroy Syndrome painted as an arrogant a-hole.   He is not arrogant and he wasn’t having a bad hair day.  Leroy Syndrome is NLD.  Leroy does Leroy.  He does himself.  Leroy does have other special interests.

It appears that Leroy may have a know-it-all attitude.  He has trouble with authority figures and has a problem with identifying who is in charge.  So coach Asperger, just explains to him in a nice calm voice that the team is not his.  Sorry Coach, I forgot you have the same problem with a loud voice.  We will find someone else to do it.  Leroy does better with praises than with criticism.  Tell Mike Ditka this is good for Leroy’s self-esteem.  What is wrong with positive feedback?  We all know Leroy needs a lot of praises.

Bring that bucket over here.  Is that the understanding bucket?  That’s the wrong bucket.  Get it out of here!

Tell Dwayne and Boo Boo don’t get mad.  I know he talks loud.  The other players Asperger,  Autism, and ADHD talks loud also.  He did not mean to sound threatening.  Leroy has a right hemisphere brain disorder.  He is unable to comprehend changes in voices and body language.  The non-verbal element of his speech is disturbed.  Leroy doesn’t have rhythm.  Literally.  That’s in his voice and tone of his speech.  He can’t read the facial expressions which play a part in his loud voice.  Calmly say to him, lower your voice.  He just needs to be cued in.

Leroy would you tell them that those tennis shoes are not your lucky piece charm.  “Yes, I have a hard time adapting to change and the coach did not let me know ahead of time.”  Leroy, is there anything else you would like to tell us?  “Well, the shoes are important to me.  I have a difficult time with what is relevant or irrelevant.  I talk off task or get away from the subject.  When people don’t explain themselves and they ask me did I understand, I say no.”  Well, you heard it firsthand from Leroy Syndrome.  This will help you understand why people tell you NO.

To the owner, you have a manual on how the game is played.  It is time to get a manual on Leroy Syndrome.

This one is dedicated to Barack and Michelle Obama.  Understanding NO is important.

NLD Superbowl – Pregame

by Linda Ballard

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY NLD PRE-GAME

Superbowl Sunday is the unofficial national holiday for most men across America. This day is of special interest to wives who suspect their husbands have NLD. During the Superbowl, many men will appear to focus only on football with absolutely no regard to Valentine’s Day (which comes only eight days later)! Is this NLD?

Here is an inventory list of ladies who suspect that something is wrong with their man:

· “All that and a bag of chips” actually refers to Tostitos Artisan Chips and Mango Salsa

· Increased talk about buying a large screen television

· Frequent blurting of statistical information on all the players

· Constant talk of linebackers, defensive line, secondary, corner & safety back

· Talk of an offensive line, running backs, wide receivers and tight ends.

It’s okay. Men suffering from NLD will probably mention nothing about it being only eight more days until Valentine’s Day. NLDers often have an incorrect concept of time and tracking. If a man doesn’t have it programmed in his computer, iPad or phone that day, it is not an important event. This problem is specific to NDLers and Game Day.

Don’t worry, ladies. There are strategies and coping skills to help you through the big event. My advice is to call the Love Doctor, Michael Baisden. Tell Dr. Baisden how your man is not paying attention to you, how he acts like he doesn’t love you and that he hasn’t even mentioned Valentine’s Day. I’m thinking the response from Dr. Baisden would go something like this:

“Hey, Baby. This is the Michael Baisden Show. Stop tripping. Well, He’s not paying attention to you because he has Attention Deficit Disorder and you are not the major focus of the day. As for your comment that he ‘acts like he doesn’t love you,’ that is not the case at all. He does love you, but it is hard for him to express himself, and love is an abstract concept, Baby. Be patient. The reason that he doesn’t mention Valentine’s Day is he has lost all track of space and time. Don’t worry, Baby. When they say ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ they really mean ‘your man is NLD.’ Baby girl, read up on it and don’t be so hard on a brother. If you can’t find any clarity from your man, rent another man for the day. This is Michael Baisden, and I’m out.”

Who In The World Is NLD

by Linda Ballard

It is time to go in search of specific characteristics or traits that sets me apart from others.   These characteristics will help identify NLD

>  I can talk it out better than simply doing the task

> My speech and language develop early

>  I learn information by habit or rote memory

>  I use Fancy footwork to express myself eloquently

>  Dancing is out, tying my shoes and typing is difficult, I will not be on a balance beam, or riding a bike due to coordination problems

> My nervous system is compromised which causes me to have severe balance problems

> No cutting the turkey, or cutting any objects for that matter – fine motor skills

> It’s hard to identify faces, to judge people, It is hard to understand others viewpoints,   and I have a problem with the perception of time.

> I can’t read people’s body language (posture, gesture, facial expression, social cues)

> I find it difficult adapting to change and transitioning

> I take abstract concepts literal, hidden residual rules

> I have poor social judgment and trouble interacting with people

There are three areas that include NLD and surround me.

> motoric

> visual-spatial-organizational

> social

Motoric – impairment causing difficulty to typing and writing (computers, iMac, iPods, iTouch, iPad, iPhone).

Thank you to Steve Jobs, Bill Gates of Microsoft and Michael Dell of Dell Computers, Sony and for Mac Scribe;

NLD has difficulty buttoning, fastening,(Thank you, Robert Kiyosaki, for velcro); manipulating small objects, tasks that require dexterity(Thank you for your “As Seen On TV”, Grabber, your One Touch can opener, Slicer Dicer, and Magic Bullet ).

NLD talks their way through a motor task (verbally)(Thank you for Bluetooth);

NLD resist eating with a fork or spoon, (Thank you for food product like Cup of Soup with a spout) laying on the floor, NLD finds it hard to sit in a chair(Thank You for video rocking chairs, ottomans, platform beds, and bean bags) due to coordination it will be difficult to master simple athletic skills,

NLD find their gross motor skills are impaired (running, jumping, climbing)

NLD presses too hard with the pencil.(Thank you for stylus)

Visual-spatial/visual perception-organizational-

For NLD it is difficult to tell who is in charge (difficulty with authority figures) hard to judge how heavy or large an object (doesn’t explore the world around him/her), hard to gather information, can’t envision or no imagination, can’t think creatively or abstractly not sure where his body is in space (space invader)

NLD can’t read maps, graphs or charts (Thank You for Garmin, TomTom, Apple, Verizon, T-Mobile, Net 10, Sprint, Nextel, AT&T, Straight Talk, Cricket for your navigational devices);

NLD  verbally labels everything, difficulty with shapes, sequence, prioritizing, binds through dialogue (use Bluetooth), difficulty with left and right,   and concept formation organizing and planning.

Social-expressive and receptive language –

NLD has difficulty with pragmatic and semantic skills (linguistic and how one express oneself) or linguistic syntax, abstract language (figurative, idioms, multiple meaning) very literal, monotone voice,

NLD has lots of social blunders, cannot decipher posture, facial expression, very black and white, cannot read between the lines,

NLD makes very precise remarks, people think they are jerks,

NLD has cocktail party speech(Captain Jack Sparrow), labeled as a pest or annoying, rude, not courteous

NLD may appear to others as disrespectful, naively trusting (needs trusted adults or grand guardians) rigid in thoughts…

In addition, NLD has difficulty with attention deficits, overstimulating environments, trouble with staying focus, and distractions need to be limited. Multitasking is counterproductive and step by step procedures work best with limited directions.

We Need An Interpreter

by Linda Ballard

You know, we need an interpreter. This goes out to all my NLD associates. I chose the eyeglasses with one lens analogy because it gives a distorted view. This is not the whole picture. We get false impressions of what we see and how we interpret the information. We may miss the body language. Much of the nonverbal information is missed. Perfect, I don’t get the whole picture either!

English is truly a second language. Just like how you may interpret other foreign languages, English is foreign to me. If you start adding METAPHORS, SIMILES, and PERSONIFICATIONS, things really become abstract. You really have some explaining to do if you start talking to me with idioms and sarcasm…. don’t bother going there.

People make comments and say “It flew over your head.” I would say I did not have the ability to “get it.” I did not understand the meaning. Did the person explain it to me? This is very frustrating and makes people angry. Just say it in plain English. It’s time to break it down.

So in the world of Harry Potter, I’m going to need a dictionary. So many of the words seem abstract in these books. Twilight was simply horrible. We will be sitting in the movie theater and you will become my interpreter. This will continue throughout the movie.

Here come the famous questions…

What was your conclusion? How can you draw inference upon what happened? I have an idea if you POINT IT OUT and EXPLAIN IT all to me, I will give you an answer. This is where we begin to pour the concrete. I need CONCRETE, EXPLICIT, and FACTUAL INFORMATION.

People may think I am being sarcastic. I’m not. Do you know what I am talking about? Truth is, I don’t have a clue about sarcasm. It all sounds foreign to me.

Does this sound familiar? Do you have anybody in mind?