Tag Archives: NLD recognition

Look of Love NLD Valentines’s Day

by Linda Ballard

The Scene opens with a loving couple talking to each other.

Cynthia:

Did you bring me that special edition of Ebony Magazine?

Leon:

Yes, I did.

Cynthia:

I”m talking about the one that has the three different covers on it.

Leon:

I got this baby girl.

Cynthia:

Is it the edition with the Obama’s on it?

Leon:

Yes, it is.

Cynthia:

Does it say 15 Hottest Couples?

Leon:

Okay, stop right there. You’re rocking my list. That was eight questions. When you sent me to the store, you gave me too many directions. You wanted the magazine, avocados and hair dye. I forgot the other stuff.  So I went back to pick up BeBe so he could help me out.

Cynthia:

You went to Bebe’s house!  Is that why it took you so long?

Leon:

Bebe is my interpreter. We have been hanging out together for years. He’s my trusted friend and he has my back.

Cynthia:

Yeah right, Bebe is a knucklehead.

Leon:

Hey, you don’t need to be dissing my friend.  I have a hard time multitasking. If you just give me 3-5 things to do, I will be just fine.  But girl, you went on and on.

Cynthia:

So, are you telling me that I worked your nerves?

Leon:

Hey, I did not say that. I’m saying that if you give me too many directions it’s going to set me up for failure.  Baby, I have problems with multitasking.  It is on my list.

Cynthia:

You and your list.  All I asked you to do is get me a few things from the store, stop at Arnesha,  get my curling iron and pick up my dress from the cleaners. You forgot that but you didn’t forget Bebe.  Since he is your interpreter, why don’t you marry him? Interpret that!

Leon:

Ooh, don’t tempt me, girl.

Cynthia:

What did you say?

Leon:

My friends Andre Autism, Arnell Asperger and Ace ADHD have the same problem with staying focused and multitasking.

Cynthia:

No Leon, your friends have problems with their names all starting with A. There are 26 letters in the alphabet.  Is that all their parents can come up with is the letter A?

Leon:

Come on. Your friends name Arnesha.

Cynthia:

Leon, don’t go there.  Just bring me the magazine and tell me what you see. Okay, come over here.  Are you paying attention?

Leon:

Yeah, baby.

Cynthia:

Well…?

Leon:

Michelle and Barack have pretty teeth.

Cynthia:

Get out of here.  You did not just say that.  They’re smiling.  Check out the look in their eyes.  Leon, this is the look of passion and true love.

Leon:

Girl, you are over the top. So I am supposed to see all that from a look on their faces in a magazine photo?  Right.

Cynthia:

You never look at me anyway when I’m talking to you. Hell, I will take a cross-eyed look right about now…  Anything!

Leon:

Cynthia it is going to make you mad. It is on my list.

Cynthia:

Here we go. I’m so tired of that list. Where Leon? Show it to me.

Leon:

It is right there with nonverbal communication. That’s why I can’t look at you or tell you what mood you are in. I can’t read facial expressions.  This has an effect on the way I act toward your friends. You get on me about that television show, Lie To Me. It teaches facial expression and body languages.  I’m really trying to learn.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, my friends will help you.

Leon:

Thanks, baby, I’ll keep looking at the program… and I’ll keep reading this book on different cultures and what their gaze means.

Cynthia:

Leon, I didn’t know you could read.  Just kidding.

Leon:

If we were Asians and we gazed at each other like that,  it could mean that we are rude, aggressive and disrespectful.  Japanese lower their gaze in respect. Our culture is more flirtatious. In some cultures, it means that you are putting a spell on someone by giving them the evil eye.  They even did a study on children who tested and gave better answers when they were not looking at the examiner.  It takes a lot of mental processing when you are looking at someone.  The children that look at the examiner did not do as well.  Hey, it is just a theory.

Cynthia:

Wow, Leon, that is really interesting.

Leon:

Cynthia… about your girlfriend Arnesha…

Cynthia:

Yeah, Leon.

Leon:

She has SAD

Cynthia:

No Leon, don’t you mean she IS sad?

Leon:

No, SAD means social anxiety disorder. She is petrified of embarrassing herself. Arnesha has an intense fear of people talking about her. Whenever Arnesha comes over here and we are going to the party, she starts pouring on the alcohol. She starts shaking, complaining that she has nausea, and pouring out the sweats. Did we ever make it to the party?  I know that is your homegirl,  but you really need to talk to her about seeing a doctor.

Cynthia:

Oh, Leon, I didn’t know you cared.

Leon:

I don’t.  She is drinking up all my Hennessy. Just kidding!  Gotcha back.

Cynthia:

Leon, I see you’re getting better with the jokes. Boy, I’m going to grey you up yet.

Leon:

I just wanted to include Arnesha… I know how it feels to be left out.

Cynthia:

Leon, I’m so proud of you. You have really come a long way.

Leon:

Cynthia, I really appreciate you too.  I know it has been hard for you but thanks for hanging out.

Cynthia:

Leon, can you try to give me that look Barack is giving Michelle?

Leon:

Girl it’s going to take a long time before I master that one. Will you hang tough with me that long?

Cynthia:

Well, as long as you keep trying.  For now, I will take Alicia and Swizz or we can go for a Will and Jada smile and gaze.

Leon:

Baby, try not to rock my list. It took lots of work getting me to express my feelings. Just please be patient and together we will achieve one skill at a time.  At least I’m not Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore in Ghost saying “Ditto”.

Cynthia:

I love you, Leon.

Leon:

Happy Valentine’s Day Cynthia.

Cynthia:

Good Night.

Superbowl Game Time, Rockin’ the List

by Linda Ballard

For the first time in the forty-year history of the franchise … the NLD’ers.   It has been a painstaking miniseries and a Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure, but it finally paid off.  The fans are quite mystified by the NLD’ers.  They have been around for years but no one has been scoping them out.

Walk with me.  I see Commissioner District.  Commissioner District can you tell me anything about the NLD’ers?  “No, who in the hell are these guys and what spectrum do they come from?”  The Commissioner commented:  “I know about Aspergers and my money on them.”

Aspergers is a tough team to beat.  They are not very sociable.  It is not that making friends and developing relationships don’t matter, but they only hold one special interest.  They go on and on about that interest and people become frustrated and think they are boring or only into themselves.  Well, it won’t be any love lost between the NLD’ers and the Aspies.  There will be no Hollywood hugs and kisses between them.

So, Bobby Tourette, what is the big rivalry between the NLD’ers and the Aspies?   Remember we have kids in the house, just hold the cursing down!  Well, the NLD’ers hold many interests.  They can converse on any topic.  The Aspies think that NLD’ers is the know-it-all.  NLD’ers volume gets pumped up on their vocals and then they’re in your face and in your space.  This is not intentional.  Hey, I get along with the NLD’ers.  The Aspies will let you know they are not interested.  You might as well find someone or something else to do.

Mark Autism you have been in the game for over thirty years.  You know what it is like to be Number #1.  What is your perspective on the game?  Jack PDD-NOS  it is like being at the top of the Billboard’s records chart. This is a very recognizable label.  You know how that works Jack PDD-NOS. Take, for instance, you are a little bit of this and a little of that and not enough to qualify for anyone’s team.  You need a real label.  Dr. Psych.  despises you.  Dude, get rid of the NOS (not otherwise specified) and you can come out and play with the big boys.  People might think you are that NOS caffeine drink.

Andre ADHD pays attention and tries to stay focused on the commentary,  but he can’t put the Munch and Crunch down.  How do you think the NLD’ers will do against the Aspies?  Well, Mark Autism,  this will be a bloodbath.  Right now,  Aspergers is pretty hot under the collar.  Dr. Psych and his followers decided to drop the Aspies off the list and put them down with NOS, of all players.  Do you know this will affect their insurance, state funding, and definitely affect their educations?

We are in for one hell of a game. I don’t know why they would have picked the American Psychiatric Association to moderate the game.  When the Aspies see the APA they are going to go off and start cursing like Bobby Tourette.  They are so focused on the list.  I wonder will they be able to play the game?  Do not mess with the Aspies special interest. The NLD’er just might pull this one-off. They have a lot going on. Winning this game means a lot to the underdog. For the first time in the history of forty years, there will be more testing, state funding, insurance coverage, school reformation, and they will be recognizable. NLD’ers will take their rightful place on the DSMV, hold their trophy in the air and wave it like they just don’t care. Keep your heads to the sky and they will be Rockin’ the List.

Super Bowl Flare Up NLD

by Linda Ballard

We are counting down the days to the Superbowl. Emotions are running high. Our tempers are flaring up. Americans go berserk when competitive sports are involved.

Can I have a spotlight down here, please?  I just need to take a closer look at some of the players.  Thank you.  Maybe this will shine the light on why our team players are having these outbursts of anger, and explosive behaviors.

Leroy, get over here and stop acting like you own the team.  I know you don’t do well with criticism.  You upset a few of your teammates when you get loud and you were in their face.  Don’t be upset if they change the color of your shoes. You look like a Demanding Diva to the coach and the owner.

Let’s get one thing straight.  Leroy is not emotionally disturbed.  He has some negative behaviors but he is not a behavior problem.  In the Sunday paper, it had Leroy Syndrome painted as an arrogant a-hole.   He is not arrogant and he wasn’t having a bad hair day.  Leroy Syndrome is NLD.  Leroy does Leroy.  He does himself.  Leroy does have other special interests.

It appears that Leroy may have a know-it-all attitude.  He has trouble with authority figures and has a problem with identifying who is in charge.  So coach Asperger, just explains to him in a nice calm voice that the team is not his.  Sorry Coach, I forgot you have the same problem with a loud voice.  We will find someone else to do it.  Leroy does better with praises than with criticism.  Tell Mike Ditka this is good for Leroy’s self-esteem.  What is wrong with positive feedback?  We all know Leroy needs a lot of praises.

Bring that bucket over here.  Is that the understanding bucket?  That’s the wrong bucket.  Get it out of here!

Tell Dwayne and Boo Boo don’t get mad.  I know he talks loud.  The other players Asperger,  Autism, and ADHD talks loud also.  He did not mean to sound threatening.  Leroy has a right hemisphere brain disorder.  He is unable to comprehend changes in voices and body language.  The non-verbal element of his speech is disturbed.  Leroy doesn’t have rhythm.  Literally.  That’s in his voice and tone of his speech.  He can’t read the facial expressions which play a part in his loud voice.  Calmly say to him, lower your voice.  He just needs to be cued in.

Leroy would you tell them that those tennis shoes are not your lucky piece charm.  “Yes, I have a hard time adapting to change and the coach did not let me know ahead of time.”  Leroy, is there anything else you would like to tell us?  “Well, the shoes are important to me.  I have a difficult time with what is relevant or irrelevant.  I talk off task or get away from the subject.  When people don’t explain themselves and they ask me did I understand, I say no.”  Well, you heard it firsthand from Leroy Syndrome.  This will help you understand why people tell you NO.

To the owner, you have a manual on how the game is played.  It is time to get a manual on Leroy Syndrome.

This one is dedicated to Barack and Michelle Obama.  Understanding NO is important.

NLD Superbowl – Pregame

by Linda Ballard

SUPERBOWL SUNDAY NLD PRE-GAME

Superbowl Sunday is the unofficial national holiday for most men across America. This day is of special interest to wives who suspect their husbands have NLD. During the Superbowl, many men will appear to focus only on football with absolutely no regard to Valentine’s Day (which comes only eight days later)! Is this NLD?

Here is an inventory list of ladies who suspect that something is wrong with their man:

· “All that and a bag of chips” actually refers to Tostitos Artisan Chips and Mango Salsa

· Increased talk about buying a large screen television

· Frequent blurting of statistical information on all the players

· Constant talk of linebackers, defensive line, secondary, corner & safety back

· Talk of an offensive line, running backs, wide receivers and tight ends.

It’s okay. Men suffering from NLD will probably mention nothing about it being only eight more days until Valentine’s Day. NLDers often have an incorrect concept of time and tracking. If a man doesn’t have it programmed in his computer, iPad or phone that day, it is not an important event. This problem is specific to NDLers and Game Day.

Don’t worry, ladies. There are strategies and coping skills to help you through the big event. My advice is to call the Love Doctor, Michael Baisden. Tell Dr. Baisden how your man is not paying attention to you, how he acts like he doesn’t love you and that he hasn’t even mentioned Valentine’s Day. I’m thinking the response from Dr. Baisden would go something like this:

“Hey, Baby. This is the Michael Baisden Show. Stop tripping. Well, He’s not paying attention to you because he has Attention Deficit Disorder and you are not the major focus of the day. As for your comment that he ‘acts like he doesn’t love you,’ that is not the case at all. He does love you, but it is hard for him to express himself, and love is an abstract concept, Baby. Be patient. The reason that he doesn’t mention Valentine’s Day is he has lost all track of space and time. Don’t worry, Baby. When they say ‘Men are from Mars and women are from Venus’ they really mean ‘your man is NLD.’ Baby girl, read up on it and don’t be so hard on a brother. If you can’t find any clarity from your man, rent another man for the day. This is Michael Baisden, and I’m out.”

We Need An Interpreter

by Linda Ballard

You know, we need an interpreter. This goes out to all my NLD associates. I chose the eyeglasses with one lens analogy because it gives a distorted view. This is not the whole picture. We get false impressions of what we see and how we interpret the information. We may miss the body language. Much of the nonverbal information is missed. Perfect, I don’t get the whole picture either!

English is truly a second language. Just like how you may interpret other foreign languages, English is foreign to me. If you start adding METAPHORS, SIMILES, and PERSONIFICATIONS, things really become abstract. You really have some explaining to do if you start talking to me with idioms and sarcasm…. don’t bother going there.

People make comments and say “It flew over your head.” I would say I did not have the ability to “get it.” I did not understand the meaning. Did the person explain it to me? This is very frustrating and makes people angry. Just say it in plain English. It’s time to break it down.

So in the world of Harry Potter, I’m going to need a dictionary. So many of the words seem abstract in these books. Twilight was simply horrible. We will be sitting in the movie theater and you will become my interpreter. This will continue throughout the movie.

Here come the famous questions…

What was your conclusion? How can you draw inference upon what happened? I have an idea if you POINT IT OUT and EXPLAIN IT all to me, I will give you an answer. This is where we begin to pour the concrete. I need CONCRETE, EXPLICIT, and FACTUAL INFORMATION.

People may think I am being sarcastic. I’m not. Do you know what I am talking about? Truth is, I don’t have a clue about sarcasm. It all sounds foreign to me.

Does this sound familiar? Do you have anybody in mind?

Hey, those are not my eyeglasses…

by Linda Ballard

Hey, those are not my eyeglasses. One of the lenses is missing. The left lens is intact, but the right lens is out. Now you are cooking! Thank you for finding my neuro-behavioral right hemisphere shades. No, I’m not Captain Sparrow. I’m NLD.

Don’t worry, we will hit a few bumps along the way. We are going to have some misunderstandings. This is just a friendly reminder to let you know that I’m not EMOTIONALLY DISTURBED. I have UNINTENTIONAL BEHAVIORS So whatever happens to me and the world around me, I did not do it on purpose.

Those bumps will decrease, the misunderstandings will diminish if you EDUCATE yourself about me. Just TEACH me. Give me the FACTS, no FLUFF and we will be okay. SPELL IT OUT, POINT IT OUT, so that we can TALK IT OUT. LA Confidential. Just the Facts Jack!

From where I am standing, looking through these glasses, I process information differently. You would too if you miss 65% of NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION.

Sure, I talk a good game but all hell is going to break loose if I have to apply the information or write it. Look close… that’s right… I’m very language proficient.

In the educational world, they judge you by scholastic achievements based on language communication. What happens when you stop talking? We have to decipher the NONVERBAL ASPECT of COMMUNICATION. Uh oh, I’m in trouble now! The body starts talking. I can’t read it.

Let me ask you something… Do you know anyone like this? Does it sound like you?

Stay Tuned…..