Category Archives: Mental Illness

Superbowl Game Time, Rockin’ the List

by Linda Ballard

For the first time in the forty-year history of the franchise … the NLD’ers.   It has been a painstaking miniseries and a Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure, but it finally paid off.  The fans are quite mystified by the NLD’ers.  They have been around for years but no one has been scoping them out.

Walk with me.  I see Commissioner District.  Commissioner District can you tell me anything about the NLD’ers?  “No, who in the hell are these guys and what spectrum do they come from?”  The Commissioner commented:  “I know about Aspergers and my money on them.”

Aspergers is a tough team to beat.  They are not very sociable.  It is not that making friends and developing relationships don’t matter, but they only hold one special interest.  They go on and on about that interest and people become frustrated and think they are boring or only into themselves.  Well, it won’t be any love lost between the NLD’ers and the Aspies.  There will be no Hollywood hugs and kisses between them.

So, Bobby Tourette, what is the big rivalry between the NLD’ers and the Aspies?   Remember we have kids in the house, just hold the cursing down!  Well, the NLD’ers hold many interests.  They can converse on any topic.  The Aspies think that NLD’ers is the know-it-all.  NLD’ers volume gets pumped up on their vocals and then they’re in your face and in your space.  This is not intentional.  Hey, I get along with the NLD’ers.  The Aspies will let you know they are not interested.  You might as well find someone or something else to do.

Mark Autism you have been in the game for over thirty years.  You know what it is like to be Number #1.  What is your perspective on the game?  Jack PDD-NOS  it is like being at the top of the Billboard’s records chart. This is a very recognizable label.  You know how that works Jack PDD-NOS. Take, for instance, you are a little bit of this and a little of that and not enough to qualify for anyone’s team.  You need a real label.  Dr. Psych.  despises you.  Dude, get rid of the NOS (not otherwise specified) and you can come out and play with the big boys.  People might think you are that NOS caffeine drink.

Andre ADHD pays attention and tries to stay focused on the commentary,  but he can’t put the Munch and Crunch down.  How do you think the NLD’ers will do against the Aspies?  Well, Mark Autism,  this will be a bloodbath.  Right now,  Aspergers is pretty hot under the collar.  Dr. Psych and his followers decided to drop the Aspies off the list and put them down with NOS, of all players.  Do you know this will affect their insurance, state funding, and definitely affect their educations?

We are in for one hell of a game. I don’t know why they would have picked the American Psychiatric Association to moderate the game.  When the Aspies see the APA they are going to go off and start cursing like Bobby Tourette.  They are so focused on the list.  I wonder will they be able to play the game?  Do not mess with the Aspies special interest. The NLD’er just might pull this one-off. They have a lot going on. Winning this game means a lot to the underdog. For the first time in the history of forty years, there will be more testing, state funding, insurance coverage, school reformation, and they will be recognizable. NLD’ers will take their rightful place on the DSMV, hold their trophy in the air and wave it like they just don’t care. Keep your heads to the sky and they will be Rockin’ the List.

Super Bowl Flare Up NLD

by Linda Ballard

We are counting down the days to the Superbowl. Emotions are running high. Our tempers are flaring up. Americans go berserk when competitive sports are involved.

Can I have a spotlight down here, please?  I just need to take a closer look at some of the players.  Thank you.  Maybe this will shine the light on why our team players are having these outbursts of anger, and explosive behaviors.

Leroy, get over here and stop acting like you own the team.  I know you don’t do well with criticism.  You upset a few of your teammates when you get loud and you were in their face.  Don’t be upset if they change the color of your shoes. You look like a Demanding Diva to the coach and the owner.

Let’s get one thing straight.  Leroy is not emotionally disturbed.  He has some negative behaviors but he is not a behavior problem.  In the Sunday paper, it had Leroy Syndrome painted as an arrogant a-hole.   He is not arrogant and he wasn’t having a bad hair day.  Leroy Syndrome is NLD.  Leroy does Leroy.  He does himself.  Leroy does have other special interests.

It appears that Leroy may have a know-it-all attitude.  He has trouble with authority figures and has a problem with identifying who is in charge.  So coach Asperger, just explains to him in a nice calm voice that the team is not his.  Sorry Coach, I forgot you have the same problem with a loud voice.  We will find someone else to do it.  Leroy does better with praises than with criticism.  Tell Mike Ditka this is good for Leroy’s self-esteem.  What is wrong with positive feedback?  We all know Leroy needs a lot of praises.

Bring that bucket over here.  Is that the understanding bucket?  That’s the wrong bucket.  Get it out of here!

Tell Dwayne and Boo Boo don’t get mad.  I know he talks loud.  The other players Asperger,  Autism, and ADHD talks loud also.  He did not mean to sound threatening.  Leroy has a right hemisphere brain disorder.  He is unable to comprehend changes in voices and body language.  The non-verbal element of his speech is disturbed.  Leroy doesn’t have rhythm.  Literally.  That’s in his voice and tone of his speech.  He can’t read the facial expressions which play a part in his loud voice.  Calmly say to him, lower your voice.  He just needs to be cued in.

Leroy would you tell them that those tennis shoes are not your lucky piece charm.  “Yes, I have a hard time adapting to change and the coach did not let me know ahead of time.”  Leroy, is there anything else you would like to tell us?  “Well, the shoes are important to me.  I have a difficult time with what is relevant or irrelevant.  I talk off task or get away from the subject.  When people don’t explain themselves and they ask me did I understand, I say no.”  Well, you heard it firsthand from Leroy Syndrome.  This will help you understand why people tell you NO.

To the owner, you have a manual on how the game is played.  It is time to get a manual on Leroy Syndrome.

This one is dedicated to Barack and Michelle Obama.  Understanding NO is important.

We Need An Interpreter

by Linda Ballard

You know, we need an interpreter. This goes out to all my NLD associates. I chose the eyeglasses with one lens analogy because it gives a distorted view. This is not the whole picture. We get false impressions of what we see and how we interpret the information. We may miss the body language. Much of the nonverbal information is missed. Perfect, I don’t get the whole picture either!

English is truly a second language. Just like how you may interpret other foreign languages, English is foreign to me. If you start adding METAPHORS, SIMILES, and PERSONIFICATIONS, things really become abstract. You really have some explaining to do if you start talking to me with idioms and sarcasm…. don’t bother going there.

People make comments and say “It flew over your head.” I would say I did not have the ability to “get it.” I did not understand the meaning. Did the person explain it to me? This is very frustrating and makes people angry. Just say it in plain English. It’s time to break it down.

So in the world of Harry Potter, I’m going to need a dictionary. So many of the words seem abstract in these books. Twilight was simply horrible. We will be sitting in the movie theater and you will become my interpreter. This will continue throughout the movie.

Here come the famous questions…

What was your conclusion? How can you draw inference upon what happened? I have an idea if you POINT IT OUT and EXPLAIN IT all to me, I will give you an answer. This is where we begin to pour the concrete. I need CONCRETE, EXPLICIT, and FACTUAL INFORMATION.

People may think I am being sarcastic. I’m not. Do you know what I am talking about? Truth is, I don’t have a clue about sarcasm. It all sounds foreign to me.

Does this sound familiar? Do you have anybody in mind?