Are you ready to do this? It is long overdue. Why today? This is my way of giving back and moving forward with my life. I want the men out there who are struggling with their baby’s mommas to know they can be good fathers no matter where they are. Whether or not they live in the home, outside the home, in another city, state, or country. The biggest mistake I made was using the children for chess pieces to get back at Andre. My anger led me to put him in court, tie his money up, and deny him access to the kids. When it was time for him to pick up the kids I made all type of flimsy excuses. Any person Andre attempted to start a relationship with I was up in the mix destroying the path with my pack of lies making him out to be a rotten father and poor provided to his kids.
Why? Did he cheat on you? I believe I was cheated out of TIME. Andre missed school plays, lose track of time, never could remember my birthday or the kids. He never was able to read me. Andre was slow at figuring things out. Andre’s mind was like a blank slate. I got tired of feeling in the pieces of the puzzle. It appeared as though Andre got along with his partners and he would rather be with them more than me. I always felt the people around Andre guarded him. There were times I felt l excluded. There was so much I thought Andre should know but he didn’t understand. Did you try to explain it to him? No! So you just assumed Andre knew. You said you got tired of feeling in the pieces of the puzzle. I meant I just went ahead with my own program. At this point, I was so frustrated. I stop caring. Andre could figure out his own program. He never saw the writing on the wall.
What do you mean by the writing on the wall? I decided to leave him. Where did you move to? Did you take the kids? No! I couldn’t afford to financially leave at the time because I was not financially able. My body was still located at the same address but my mind had moved out. So when I got financially able I would pack my bags and move everything which included my body, kids, and all. I decided I would put him through a living hell. Did you ever stop and think Andre may have felt as if he was in a living hell? He loved you but it was so much in your relationship which needs to be pointed out and explained.
What attracted you to Andre? He acted like a big kid. It may not have been an act. What do you mean? Did Andre need more guidance or direction than any of your other male friends? Yes, but a lot of times I played it off and thought he was being silly. Andre appeared to be so immature. I thought Andre wanted me to run the show. Now that I am reflecting back on our relationship I did make the majority of the decisions. So you were the one who always had a plan. That is right. Andre would always tell me to go ahead and do what makes me happy and he would be happy. Whenever we got into the planning phase he would get frustrated. What happens next? I would get angry and tell him I would do it myself. How did he react? He would retreat to his man-cave and would not come out for hours. Sometimes he would go sit in the park and listen to his iPod. Was Andre angry when he returned home? No, it was as though he had forgotten what happen or he just did not want to discuss the issue. His favorite saying was, “Let’s not do this again, I hate repeating myself.” One thing I did learn you could never win an argument it would go on and on. Andre knew a lot of information. You just had to cut him off when the conversation seemed to be going nowhere. Did he get mad? No! The conversation would end. He would move to the next topic.
How did Andre react toward the kids? He was great with the kids. As a matter of fact, he was the biggest kid of all. So why were you so hell-bent on destroying the relationship and keeping him away from his children. I didn’t feel as though I knew how to be a good wife. What did you feel like? Honestly! I felt more like I needed more attention but he was draining the life out of me. Andre was the 3rd child. Did you ever seek to counsel? No! I had become so frustrated I just wanted out. Did you ever think Andre needed help with his mental processing? I don’t know, by this time I felt so worn down the only option for me was to get a divorce.
After Andre and I got a divorce he went into a deep depression. His sister stepped in and she immediately sought out help. How did you feel about his sister? I was so jealous of her because she always had Andre’s back. Did she take sides in the marriage? No! She was always trying to give me advice on things that could help us get through the rough spots. It made me think she was always around the corner. I was his wife and I wanted her to back off. This may sound so wrong but I felt at the time he got what he deserved. It was very wrong. It took Andre about 6 years to recover himself. He remained a good father and he continued to support me and the children. Andre wrote a book on his struggles and the new women in his life. He told of how she helped him recover through his crisis. I was pissed and went into a rage. Why? It felt as though I was invisible and our marriage had never existed. His life took a different path. He had become successful and moved on.I felt isolated and left behind. What did you do? I took him back to court. I was so angry and so determined to destroy Andre. The judge ruled in his favor and my request for additional child support was denied.
I went home and I thought the only recourse to take was denied him the right to see the children. The kids began to turn on me and began to express how they hated staying with me. Their school grades began to drop. Trouble began to show up on my doorstep. The rebellion was on. They wanted to see their dad. I realized I had messed up. What made you change? He invited me over so we could talk about the kids. I was very reluctant to go. I went and his wife, Sandra answered the door. I held my breath. She was really friendly. She escorted me into the dining room. I was feeling very nervous and anxious. Andre came out and gave me a big hug. He really looked happy. I could not sense any resentment or hostility from Andre nor his wife. He began to talk about the kids and how he missed them. There was such a glow in his eyes. I began to feel horrible for robbing him of his time with the kids. Sandra, Andre’s wife, went on and on about the kids and how they were her big helpers. As I watch both of them together I realize she understood him. Sandra responded to Andre in a manner that I had a very difficult time with. My heart was put at ease. Sandra was good for Andre. As the evening came to a close Sandra got up to go into the kitchen to bring out her surprise dessert. She had baked a red velvet cake. I love red velvet cake. Inscribed in the middle of the cake it said, “The Men Who Transcends Respect, Support And Love Their Children And Families To The End. Happy Father Day!”
To all the fathers out their,man up and take responsibility and be good dads to your kids. For better or for worse just keep your head up. Life has its challenges but hang in there. This story is a reminder to all men that sometimes things may not work out but grudges are not the the answer. Just move on with a forgiving heart and do the right thing.